


Meet me on the Battlefield

by AsterAspera



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Superheroes/Superpowers, Angst, Domestic Fluff, Gen, Minor Character Death, Minor Original Character(s), Non-graphic injuries, Panic Attacks, Supervillain Deceit | Janus Sanders, Sympathetic Deceit | Janus Sanders, Unsympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Violence, but they don't, cw's for each chapter in the notes, it's just Janus being his usual dramatic self, yes i know those tags seem to contradict each other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-03
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:28:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 33,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26800669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AsterAspera/pseuds/AsterAspera
Summary: In a city where death prowls the streets, where light is found in the small moments between gunshots and life is only for those who know their way through the darkness, four heroes find each other.It’s an uphill battle against corruption, hate and violence but the four don’t stand alone. Not all who lurk in the shadows are truly lost.~A series of one shots following the sides in their lives as superheroes. Featuring overdramatic supervillain Janus, tired college students Logan and Virgil, theatre nerd and nurse in training Roman, and Patton being a badass.Roles and relationships of the characters might change in some chapters. Chapters are unconnected but take place in the same universe unless stated otherwise.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil & Creativity | Roman & Deceit | Janus & Logic | Logan & Morality | Patton, Anxiety | Virgil & Creativity | Roman & Logic | Logan & Morality | Patton, Anxiety | Virgil/Creativity | Roman/Deceit | Janus/Logic | Logan/Morality | Patton (Sanders Sides), Anxiety | Virgil/Creativity | Roman/Logic | Logan/Morality | Patton
Comments: 41
Kudos: 95





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So CW for this chapter: minor character death, violence, non-graphic description of injury, a panic attack and slightly morally grey Janus.
> 
> Title is from the song 'meet me on the battlefield' by SVRCINA

Janus stalked through the damp alleyway, his cloak swishing behind him.

From the shadows in the doorways and corners, he could spy timid eyes following his every movement.

For anyone else, walking through the city alone at night would be a death sentence, but not for him. Thieves and murderers quailed in his presence. The very worst scum of this city bowed before him.

He had nearly all of the city in his iron grip. 

There was only one problem, well four problems actually.

Four teenagers who thought they were doing the  _ noble  _ thing by pestering him and trying to thwart him at every turn.

It would honestly be easier for everyone involved if they just left him alone but they never listened to him when he tried to explain that.

As he finally emerged from the dark back alleys into the slightly more well lit parks, he heard a gunshot tear through the night air. 

He flinched and waited for a moment, trying to pinpoint where the noise had come from. Gunshots in the city weren’t that rare and usually one of their noble heroes would swoop in to handle whatever was going on.

He brushed it off and kept moving.

Two more gunshots broke the nightly silence and Janus sighed. Normally he wouldn’t bother, but this was a suburban neighbourhood.

Every criminal in the city knew this was a no violence zone. Janus figured he should have a talk with whoever was flagrantly disregarding the rules and therefore, his reign over the criminal underworld.

He pulled his mask over his face and strode towards the noise.

By the time he had arrived, someone else was already facing down the shooter. One of the superheroes, the purple one, Storm, was standing between the shooter, who Janus identified as Eric, one the duke’s goons, and a scared looking civilian.

Storm was speaking to Eric in a low, comforting tone, urging him to put the weapon down. Janus knew it wouldn’t help, the duke’s goons were notoriously violent and Eric wouldn’t stop until he got what he came for, whatever that may be.

Janus hid in the shadows, waiting to see how this would play out. 

Eric seemed to be responding to the gentling tones of the superhero, lowering his gun slightly. Storm stepped forward hesitantly, still keeping himself between Eric and the civilian.

Janus leaned forward, intrigued, there was no way Eric was just going to give up the gun.

And he was right. As soon as Storm reached to take the gun out of Eric's hand, he lunged forward and grabbed Storm with more force than Janus had expected from him.

He knocked Storm to the side and pointed his gun at the civilian, sending two bullets into their chest.

“No!” Storm cried out, and scrambled to the civilian. 

Janus knew it was a lost case. The bullets had hit them square in the centre of their chest.

Eric hesitated, his mission done but the opportunity to shoot the superhero, who had his back turned to him and was intently focused on the civilian, tempting him.

Now, Janus couldn’t have that, could he? If anyone was going to take down these insufferable heroes, it would be him.

He stepped out of the shadows, making sure the snake side of his mask was clearly visible. As soon as Eric caught sight of him, he paled. Aware he had been caught in an act of blatant defiance of all Janus’s rules. An act every criminal knew would result in banishment in the best of scenarios.

Janus jerked his head, making clear he should run while he still had legs to do it.

Eric didn’t need to be told twice and quickly scrambled away.

Storm seemed oblivious to the entire exchange, still focused on trying to save the civilian. Janus slunk back into the shadows. He knew he should leave, there was nothing to be done here.

He would handle the Duke and Eric tomorrow. But something wouldn’t let him leave.

Maybe it was the way Storm was shaking, his quick breaths hitching and rapidly turning into sobs.

Janus had no sympathy for the civilian, people died all the time, it was simply the cycle of life. 

But something about the hero’s panic made his gut twist. He looked so young, bent over the body and shaking like a leaf.

Janus would never admit that in that moment, he could only feel deep sympathy for the young hero. 

When looking back at that moment, he would say he did it to win his trust. To learn more about his enemy. The whole keep your enemies closer spiel.

But in that moment, he found himself moving forward without thought. 

He approached loudly, not wanting to startle the hero. Storm flinched and turned towards him, fear flashing through his eyes when he saw the half snake mask.

“Relax, I’m not here to hurt you.” He soothed.

“Right, and why should I trust you?” He laughed shakely.

“If I wanted to kill you, I would have done it when your back was turned.”

“You realize that doesn’t make you seem any more trustworthy, right?”

Janus sat down slowly, exaggerating all his movements so he wouldn’t scare Storm.

“If you keep hyperventilating like that, you’re going to pass out.” He said.

“Why do you care?” Storm asked, but he made an effort to take a deeper breath.

He was still shaking all over and Janus felt the urge to reach over and hold him close. He shook that thought away. That really wasn’t very fitting behaviour for a self proclaimed super villain.

“Okay look, you don’t have to trust me, but just listening to me isn’t going to get anyone killed. Okay?”

Storm nodded minutely.

“Okay, breathe with me now. In for five, hold for seven, out for eight.”

Janus breathed, making sure Storm could follow his breaths.

Slowly, his breathing slowed and eventually deepened into quiet sobs.

Janus scooted backwards a bit and motioned to Storm to do the same. Storm shuffled away from the body on the ground and curled up against the concrete wall of the alleyway.

“It’s not your fault. You know that right?” Janus said.

Storm looked at him with wide eyes.

“I… I should have seen it coming. It’s my job. And now…now someone died because I was just too damn stupid to see what he was doing.” His sobbing deepened and he started gasping for breath again.

“You can’t always save everyone. That’s impossible, it’s ridiculous to expect that of yourself.”

“I’m a hero. If I can’t help people, what’s the point?”

“The point is that you’re trying. And for every person you can’t help, there’s ten others you saved. Just you, doing your best, means this world is a little less shitty.

You give so much of yourself to this city. It can’t expect you to save everyone.

You’re valuable, even if sometimes, you fail.”

Janus had no idea where all this sentimentality was coming from. This really wasn’t a good look for him.

At least Storm seemed to have calmed down a bit. His sobbing had eased up and now tears were just silently dripping down his face.

“Why are you saying all of this? You do realize we’re supposed to be enemies right?”

“Maybe I just wish someone had been there to tell me these things when I needed to hear them.”

Dammit, that had sounded way too vulnerable.

“Or maybe I’m just manipulating you.” He added, trying not to sound too emotional.

Storm smiled.

“You know, maybe you’re not totally evil,  _ serpent _ ”

“How dare you, you insult me.” Janus replied, pressing his hand to his chest in mock offence.

A giggle burst from Storm’s lips and he pressed a hand to his mouth, trying to stifle it.

Janus felt a strange feeling bubble up in his chest and behind his mask, his lips curved up into a soft smile.

“Janus.” He said.

Storm’s eyes widened in surprise.

“What?”

“My name is Janus.”

“Why would you tell me that? Is this some nefarious scheme? Are you trying to get me to tell you my name?”

Janus shrugged, acting nonchalant, while in reality his heart was pounding and his brain was screaming at him for revealing that.

“Maybe, maybe not, maybe I’m just tired of all the snake nicknames.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t have picked a snake mask then.” Storm deadpanned.

“But seriously, why would you just hand out that information? I could use it to beat you.” He continued.

“One, you don’t know it’s my real name and two, you’ll never beat me.”

“Really?” Storm raised his eyebrow.

“I’m way too clever to be taken down by the likes of you.”

Janus stood up. This ridiculousness had gone on for long enough. He was afraid that if he stuck around any longer, he might go totally soft and decide to join the merry band of insufferable do-gooders.

“Anyways, as pleasant as this was, I really have to go. Lots of criminal business to attend to and all that.”

Storm scrambled upright and faced him.

“I’ll catch you one day, Janus.” 

“I’m sure you will, stormcloud.”

He hesitated for a moment and then blurted out.

“You can call me Virgil.”

Janus felt his heartbeat stutter and he mustered a smile.

“And you thought I was the stupid one.”

“Look, you might be a villain, but you’re not totally evil. I know how you keep the criminal underworld under control. I know you have rules that protect the vulnerable and that help us in our job. I trust you with this information.”

Goddammit, how could Janus be expected to keep up his ice cold supervillain persona if the heroes acted so sweet?

Storm’s, no, Virgil’s eyes crinkled up in a smile that was visible even from under his mask.

“Don't you have criminal business and all that to attend to?”

“Yeah, right. Criminal business, that’s what I do.” Janus stuttered.

Virgil reached out and took his hand, shaking it in his. His grip was strong and Janus tried not to think of how warm it was even under two layers of gloves.

Virgil took a few steps back, still conspicuously not looking at the body, and took a device from his utility belt.

“I’m going to call the others now, you should probably go.”

Janus nodded, as much as he didn’t want to leave Virgil yet. If not for his own, selfish reasons, then for how the boy was still shaking slightly and he was looking everywhere but the body.

But, he figured Virgil would be alright if one of the other heroes was heading over.

“Give them my regards.” He called out and disappeared into the shadows. Swishing his cape, so as to at least hang onto the last shreds of his supervillainess. 


	2. I'm Still Here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW for this chapter: mild violence, character injury
> 
> Chapter title is from 'I'm still here' from treasure planet
> 
> Chapter contains platonic/ romantic LAMP

“Logos, answer me! Dammit.” Virgil shouted into the comms.

He kept his eyes trained on the warehouse Logan had just entered, hoping to spy any sort of sign he was alright.

“Come on Lo, don’t do this to me.” He muttered.

If any of his friends was going to get killed by being reckless, he really hadn’t expected it to be Logan.

“What’s going on?” Patton’s voice came over the comms, concern colouring his tone.

“L went into one of the warehouses, he thinks they might be storing a second shipment there.”

“The plan was that you two would intercept the incoming shipment together, he can’t just run off.” 

“He was very insistent about the second shipment, said we had to stop that one too.”

“So he went in alone?”

“He said he was just going in for recon, but he’s not responding anymore.”

“Hey guys? This might be a bad time, but the shipment is arriving.” Roman chimed in.

Patton sighed.

“Okay, change of plans. Me and Storm will take care of the shipment. Prince, go after Logos, make sure he’s alright, be careful with engaging.”

“Will you two be fine taking care of this shipment? We don’t know how many goons the Duke hired.”

“We can’t let these weapons get out on the streets, if that happens, I don’t think even Janus will be able to keep order.” Virgil said.

“We’ve got it handled.” Patton reassured him. “Just go make sure Lo is alright.”

Virgil watched as a white shape detached from the shadows and moved silently to the warehouse.

Swallowing his fear, he turned back towards the harbour, where he saw the shape of an incoming boat, lights off so as to avoid detection.

He slunk forward over the containers he had been perched on. His footsteps silent and his dark purple and black outfit blending seamlessly into the shadows.

From the corner of his eyes, he saw a light blue figure vault gracefully over the gap between the containers.

They met up under a shadowy overhang, from which they could see the docking bay clearly.

At first, it stayed completely empty, before the Duke’s goons started emerging and spread out over the area. Guards positioned themselves around the boat and the rest started hauling at the crates stacked on the ship.

“I’ll keep them engaged, you sneak around back and plant the bombs, okay?” Patton told him, as he slipped his pistols from their holsters.

Virgil nodded.

“Good luck.”

Virgil squeezed Patton’s hand before melting into the shadows.

He circled the docking bay, trying to find a spot the guards weren’t watching too closely. Eventually he waited between two containers for Patton’s distraction to start.

“Shit.” Roman’s voice came through the comms.

“What?” Virgil felt his anxiety skyrocket.

“Logos was right. There is a second shipment stored here.”

“Did you find Logos?”

“No, no sign of him anywhere. No sign of anyone really, it’s deserted here.”

“That’s not good.” 

“Maybe Lo took care of all of them and is just hanging around somewhere in the warehouse?” Roman suggested, sounding like he didn’t fully believe himself.

“I’ll go look for him and place some bombs here while I’m at it, you guys just focus on taking care of that other shipment, alright? Don’t worry about us.” He continued

“You know I always worry about you.” Virgil said, only half joking.

Roman huffed a laugh and clicked off his comms.

Virgil turned back to the docking bay, taking a deep breath around the mounting panic in his chest.

“You alright?” Patton asked, nearly whispering to avoid being heard by the people in the bay.

“I’ll be fine, let’s just focus on the mission right now.”

“Okay.” He didn’t sound convinced but didn’t press the issue either.

Right on cue, gunshots echoed through the stiflingly still night air of the docks. The guards shouted in alarm as two of their members fell, unconscious, Patton would never aim to kill.

The guards ran forward, and Virgil aimed his grappling gun at the boat.

With a dull thud, it wrapped around a railing and Virgil let it pull him onto the boat. He dropped behind the railing and sat for a moment, waiting to hear if someone had seen him.

All he heard were the alarmed shouts of the guards as they scattered from Patton’s hail of bullets.

He got up and snuck to the engine room, sticking close to the walls and occasionally grabbing a bomb from his utility belt and hiding it under window sills.

Eventually he made it to the fuel tank.

He stuck the last few bombs in place and checked that they were all connected properly.

He clicked open his comm line with Patton.

“Bombs are all in place, are we go?”

“Yep,” Patton’s voice chirped back “everything’s handled here.”

Virgil made his way onto the top of the ship and set off the first two bombs, roughly in the middle of the ship.

Cries of alarm came from the goons moving the crates of weapons and the smart ones fled the ship.

A few stayed and tried to grab some of the crates to save them.

Virgil set off two more bombs to make it clear that they really should get moving.

As soon as they too had made their way off the ship and Virgil was relatively sure it was empty, he aimed his grappling gun at one of the cranes looming over them and swung away, hitting the button that set off the last of the bombs, the ones on the fuel tank.

The ship exploded and was soon engulfed in bright orange flames.

Patton kept raining bullets down on the remaining goons, who were trying to protect the few crates they had gotten off the ship.

Virgil joined in the fray and together they managed to send all of them running.

The remaining crates of weapons they pushed into the harbour with a bomb attached to them.

When they were done, Patton turned to him with a triumphant grin and Virgil let himself feel a moment of satisfaction for a job well done, before his mind immediately snapped back to Roman and Logan.

He clicked open the shared comm link.

“Prince, did you find him?” 

For a few moments there was only a heavy silence over the line. 

Patton fidgeted nervously.

Then, heavy breathing came in over the line and Roman’s voice piped up, sounding haggard.

“Yeah, but he’s hurt. Can’t tell how bad. We need to get him home.”

“Is there anyone in the warehouse?” Patton asked.

“Yeah, a few more goons. Should be easy enough to take down but I can’t with Logos out.”

“Okay, we’ll take care of them. Can you guys get out of the warehouse?” Virgil asked.

“There’s a back door. If you guys distract them from the front we should be able to get out.”

“Okay, we’ll handle it. You guys take the car, rendez-vous at home.” Patton instructed.

Roman agreed and clicked off his comms.

Virgil and Patton entered the warehouse. Together they made quick work of the few remaining thugs.

Virgil might have fought with a little more force than strictly necessary, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care. He just wanted to go home and make sure Logan was alright.

Finally, after what felt like hours, they arrived home. Virgil nearly threw his motorcycle against the wall and slammed the door open.

“Woah, dude, don’t break the house down.” Roman, who was standing in the kitchen, said. He stalked past him.

“Where’s Logan?”

“Is he alright?” Patton asked, following along behind Virgil.

“I’m fine, you three are blowing this way out of proportion, as always.” A voice came from the couch.

Logan was lying on it, an icepack on his head and his arms crossed, looking like a petulant child.

“Lo!” Patton cried.

“Roman said you were hurt, of course we were worried, you ass.” Virgil complained.

“It’s fine, it’s not as bad as I originally thought, just a concussion and some bruising around the ribs. So Patton, no hugs.” Roman explained.

Patton pouted and Virgil breathed a sigh of relief, happy everyone was safe.

Roman seemed to notice and wrapped his arms around Virgil.

“Hey, we’re alright. There’s no need to worry so much.”

“I know, but it’s always scary when one of us gets hurt. And it’s not like I knew it was just a concussion.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry about that. I probably should have given you guys a bit more information, instead of just ‘he’s hurt’.”

“It’s fine, you were panicking, it happens.”

“Who said I was panicking?”

“I think the way you drove home speaks for itself.” Logan spoke up from the couch.

Patton giggled and Virgil felt his face mirror his smile. Somehow, Patton had managed to get Logan’s head onto his lap and was gently running his hands through his hair, mindful of the ice pack.

Logan looked like he was trying his best not to show how much he was enjoying it, and failing spectacularly.

Roman pulled Virgil along and they sat on the ground in front of the couch.

Virgil curled up against Patton’s legs and Logan laid a hand on Roman’s shoulder.

“So who wants to rewatch the office bloopers?”

Virgil groaned.

“No way.” Logan said.

“You guys are no fun.” Roman complained.

“You know which movie I’ve wanted to rewatch since forever? Treasure planet.” Patton interjected.

“Oh, yeah! I love that movie.” Roman cheered.

“Get ready for constant renditions of ‘I’m still here’.” Virgil groaned.

“Oh, shut it. You love my singing.”

“Not when I’m trying to study.”

“Are we going to watch that movie, or are we going to fruitlessly bicker about Roman’s singing?” Logan complained.

As Roman set the movie up on the tv, Patton carded his hand through Virgil’s hair and when Virgil looked up he pressed a quick kiss to his brow.

Virgil felt the last dregs of his fear disappear as Roman curled up against his shoulder and he felt the rest of his family safe behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed <3
> 
> This fic will probably eventually have romantic LAMP or DLAMP, but you can interpret their relationship however you want.
> 
> If you have any prompts or ideas, feel free to leave them in the comments.


	3. In the darkness I found you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW for this chapter: character being kept in captivity, descriptions of injury, blindness, mentions of being tortured.
> 
> Relationship: Platonic roceit.
> 
> So this prompt was suggested to me by my best friend, I really like how it turned out and I hope you enjoy it.

The dark pressed down on Roman’s eyes like a tangible thing, a thing that threatened to choke him.

He tried to swallow the sobs that ripped itself from his chest, but it was futile. 

God, he couldn’t breathe. 

He didn’t know where he was.

He was so, so scared. Scared of his brother, of the fact that he had him totally at his mercy. He couldn’t fight back, he wouldn’t even be able to see the blows coming.

His brother knew exactly how to make him feel weak.

He just wanted to go home.

Wanted to feel his friends’ arms around him.

Wanted their silent comfort.

Noise echoed around him and Roman curled up tighter into the corner, taking comfort from the solid walls behind him.

God, he felt pathetic.

He heard the door slam open and he flinched. Whoever was standing in the doorway paused and then took slow steps towards him.

Roman raised his head and set his shoulders, preparing himself for whatever sick tortures his brother had devised.

The person who had entered the room stopped in front of him and a whoosh of air told him they had sat down. For a long moment, they didn’t move and Roman assumed they were staring at him.

“Like what you see?” He croaked, because he had never learnt how to think things through.

They didn’t reply, merely shifted audibly.

“If you’re going to kill me, do it quickly, you know I’m not a very patient person.” 

He realized this really wasn’t helping his situation but he couldn’t stop. His words were the only weapon he had left in this situation.

The faint rustle of fabric betrayed the movements of the other person and Roman shrunk back, but instead of a blow or anything of that sort, a gentle hand circled his wrist.

They pulled his hand towards them and traced their thumb in soft circles over his palm.

The motion was so jarringly comforting, such a contrast to the cruel blows he had already experienced and had been expecting. 

His breath hitched and he couldn’t help but lean in a little closer.

The person shifted forward and they encircled Roman’s other wrist in their hand. They pulled his hand against their chest and took deep breaths. 

Roman understood the meaning behind the gesture well enough and he made an effort to follow their breathing.

The iron vice that had seemed wrapped around his chest loosened gradually.

He knew it was stupid to trust this person, whoever they may be, but they hadn’t made any move to hurt him yet.

Maybe, his family had found him, maybe it was Logan or Virgil or Patton comforting him right now. But why weren’t they speaking?

“Who are you?” He asked.

They stiffened and pulled away slightly.

Roman couldn’t help the pitiful sound that escaped him. They couldn’t leave, they were the only solid thing in this terrifyingly dark world.

The person seemed to understand and tightened their grip once more.

“Why won’t you tell me? Can’t you speak?” 

They tapped his hand twice and made a movement that Roman assumed was them nodding their head.

“Oh, sorry.”

They squeezed his hand.

“Do I know you?” 

His certainty that it was one of his friends was growing, they might not be able to speak to him, but their actions were clear enough. Their gentleness and silent comfort so achingly familiar to him.

They tapped his hand twice.

“Pat?” He asked. Almost entirely sure now.

They tapped his hand again, twice.

Roman breathed a sigh of relief, feeling safer at once.

He started shaking, the fear he had felt the last few days hitting him all at once. 

He launched himself forward into Patton’s arms. Bumping into him awkwardly, courtesy of his missing eyesight. 

Patton fumbled a moment to catch him but then wrapped his arms securely around Roman.

~

Janus was furious, his anger was a tangible thing, rising in his throat like an all consuming fire.

In front of him, curled up on the filthy floor was the prince himself. The superhero he had spent months fighting. Who had thwarted his plans and generally made his life hell.

And he looked so… small. So young and scared and vulnerable and Janus knew he should enjoy this. Enjoy seeing his enemy so thoroughly beaten. But all he could feel was rage.

This was so, so wrong. The prince wasn’t supposed to be so quiet. He was all brash words and brazen pride.

Janus enjoyed the verbal sparring matches the hero always invited him to. He enjoyed twisting his words and making him crumble but never had he wanted to break him so completely. 

He cursed Remus. How could he do something like that to his own brother? 

Janus knew better than anyone blood didn’t mean loyalty, but still, this was needlessly cruel.

The prince looked up at him, the chemical burns on his face a ghastly sight. His eyes rolled around, sightless.

Janus walked forward and gently sat down, painfully aware of how the hero flinched. 

A lie was already on his lips. ‘You’re alright, you’re safe now, he can’t hurt you anymore,  I’ll protect you .’ But he couldn’t promise that, and more importantly, those words coming from him would be no comfort. The prince knew his voice, had heard its menacing rasp so many times before. 

“Like what you see?” The hero rasped and it almost startled a laugh out of Janus. Of course he would make a stupid comment like that. This particular hero never knew when to keep his mouth shut.

“If you’re going to kill me, do it quickly, you know I’m not a very patient person.” Janus released a silent sigh. He wondered how the prince had managed not to get himself killed yet.

A full body shiver ran through the other boy and Janus felt sympathy well up in him. The hero was still twitching his head around nervously, his façade of fake bravado rapidly crumbling in the face of the darkness that must be pressing down on him.

Janus reached out a hand, hoping he could offer even the faintest speck of light in the darkness the hero faced.

The prince froze for a moment, clearly not expecting the gentle touch. Then, his breath hitched and he leaned in closer, straining for a gentle touch.

Janus’s mouth twitched up in a fond smile and he took his other hand and pressed them against his chest.

Taking slow, exaggerated breaths, he calmed the hero down. His quick, gasping breaths slowing to sobs and eventually ragged breaths.

“Who are you?” The prince asked suddenly.

Janus pulled back slightly. He couldn’t tell him. Janus figured the knowledge a villain was holding your hand would not provide much comfort, even if they had not made any move to hurt you.

He should leave. Tell one of the other heroes where to find their friend and make sure Remus would regret ever hurting the Prince like this. But the Prince made a small, pitiful noise and Janus felt his heart break.

He couldn’t leave him all alone in the dark.

“Why won’t you tell me? Can’t you speak?” 

Janus felt relieved, that was a good excuse. He nodded and, realizing the hero couldn’t see, tapped his hand twice.

“Oh, sorry.” Janus wanted to laugh. The hero was blinded and yet he was still concerned about him? It was vaguely heartbreaking, really.

“Do I know you?” 

Well, in a way, yes, but that’s probably not what he meant. Janus figured a lie would be best in this situation. The hero would feel much more at ease if he thought it was one of his friends comforting him.

He tapped his hand twice.

“Pat?” He asked, sounding so hopeful. 

Janus was pretty sure Pat was the light blue hero. The kind, bubbly one. He must really be doing the supervillain thing wrong if he gets mistaken for the most lawful good hero out there. Well, if it brought this one comfort, he guessed he could play the part. He was an actor after all.

He tapped the hero’s hand twice and before he realized what was happening, he had his arms full with a shaking superhero. 

He fumbled for a moment, not usually one for hugs, but he quickly got his arms securely round him.

The hero started crying, deep, shuddering sobs that shook his whole frame. Janus wrapped his arms around him tighter, forming a protective layer around him. 

He carded a hand through his matted, sweat soaked curls and smiled when the Prince pressed his head against his hand, savouring the touch.

Finally, the prince seemed all cried out and his sobs faded into pathetic hiccups. 

Janus realized he should probably treat some of his wounds or at least send a message to one of his superhero friends. They couldn’t stay like this forever, after all.

Janus gently maneuvered the superhero so he could get an arm under his knees and behind his back.

The prince made a small noise of confusion and Janus squeezed his arm comfortingly.

With a grunt, Janus managed to stand up, the hero gathered in his arms. He staggered for a moment before regaining his balance.

Dammit, this guy was heavy. It was probably all the muscles Janus could feel under the suit. He shook that thought away.

The hero buried his face in Janus’s neck, trusting him completely. Janus felt a lump well up in his throat.

How he wished the hero trusted him for who he was, not who he was pretending to be. It was his own fault really. He had cast himself as the villain, he couldn’t resent the heroes for hating him, even though he had only been trying to help.

He slipped out of the building, avoiding the places he knew his henchmen would be hanging around, cleaning up Remus’s mess.

He relaxed when he left the building and the dank, stuffy air was replaced with the cool night air of the city.

The hero seemed to have sensed the change in the air too, because he perked up.

“Where are we going?” He asked.

And then immediately stiffened.

“Oh yeah, shit. I’m sorry.”

Janus just squeezed him reassuringly and kept walking.

There was a safe house at the end of this alley. It wasn’t much, but it was stocked with food and medical supplies. And more importantly, the only person who knew of its existence was Janus.

He entered the safe house and gently deposited the hero in his arms on the old couch.

The prince shouldered himself upright and whipped his head around nervously.

“Where are we? Are we home?”

Janus tapped his arm once.

“Does that mean no?” He asked.

Janus tapped his arm twice.

The hero seemed to understand and curled up deeper on the couch.

“We’re safe, right?” He asked.

Janus tapped his arm twice and the hero breathed a sigh of relief.

Janus made to move away, intent on grabbing the medical supplies from the cupboard, but the prince whined and tightened his grip on his arm.

“No, Pat. Don’t go.”

Janus crouched in front of the hero and cupped his jaw in his free hand. He gently ran his thumb over the skin there, trying to signal to the hero that he was safe and Janus had no intention of leaving him.

“You’ll come back, right?” The hero asked shakely and Janus tapped his jaw twice, lightly.

The hero loosened his vice like grip on Janus’s arm and he quickly bustled over to the cupboard, purposefully making his steps loud so the hero could hear where he was.

Janus grabbed the supplies and a bowl of water and kneeled down in front of the hero. He wetted the cloth and pulled the hero’s face towards him gently. With slow, careful movements, he began washing the burn. 

Janus cringed as the full damage to the hero’s face was unveiled. A large part of his face was covered in chemical burns and his eyes were almost completely sightless. Janus wasn’t sure he would ever be able to see again.

He shone a light into the hero’s eyes and he startled slightly. Good, at least he could still detect changes in light.

“Pat?” The hero whispered tremulously.

Janus squeezed his arm to signal he was listening.

“Will I… Will I ever be able to see again?”

Janus blew out a sad sigh. He felt so much sympathy for the poor hero. To have something you relied on so heavily be creully ripped away from you. By your own blood, no less. 

He would probably never be able to go out and be a superhero again. Janus felt the loss ache in his own chest.

He squeezed the hero’s hand, not wanting to give a solid no.

The hero just curled up even tighter, seemingly drawing his own conclusions from Janus’s non-committal answer.

Janus wished that he could speak to him, give him even the slightest bit of comfort, even if it was false.

He gently applied bandages to the hero’s head and went to set the medical supplies away and get something to eat, leaving the hero with a reassuring squeeze.

Janus returned with some crackers and a glass of water. He had no idea how long the hero had been in the duke’s captivity and he didn’t want to upset his stomach.

When he was done, Janus put away the plate and sat down on the couch. Far enough that he wasn’t touching the hero but close enough he could feel his presence.

The prince didn’t seem to agree with that position and shifted over to him, plopping his head down in Janus’s lap.

Janus carded a hand through his messy hair, smoothing it away from the bandages on his face. He curled the other arm protectively round the hero’s shoulders.

Soon, the prince’s breathing deepened and his coiled muscles relaxed. Janus breathed a sigh of relief once he was fully asleep. 

He knew there was much he needed to do. He needed to contact the hero’s friends and get him medical help. He needed to figure out how he would explain or cover up the fact that he had helped the hero.

But for a moment he let himself relax. The prince was safe, asleep and comforted and while that comfort may be false, Janus was happy he had at least been able to help a little.

He wondered how the hero would react once he found out it had been Janus taking care of him and not the blue hero.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you who are worried, Roman won't stay blind in the rest of my fic. As I have stated, most of these one shots are unconnected.  
> That said, if anyone wants me to write more with blind Roman, feel free to leave a request.


	4. Before I wash away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW for this chapter: hypothermia, drowning
> 
> Relationship: platonic loceit
> 
> chapter title is from Heaven Knows by Five for Fighting

Logan and Janus stood side by side on the docks.

“You’re sure your information is sound?” Logan asked, still not trusting the villain entirely, despite Patton and Virgil’s insistence he was ‘good now’.

“Darling, when have I ever led you wrong?” Janus purred.

Logan raised an eyebrow.

“Do you want a list?”

Janus huffed.

“That was always on purpose, I was just having fun. My information is never wrong. Or don’t you trust me?”

“No, in fact, I do not not.”

Janus blinked in surprise, he must have been so used to Virgil and Patton fawning over him, he hadn’t even considered the notion that not everyone on the team trusted him.

“I have been working with you for months now and have yet to lead you astray, what more do you expect from me?” 

“That might be so, but you can’t expect me to believe you just decided one day to suddenly do the right thing. You were perfectly comfortable running the criminal underground. There is no logical reason you would decide to join us and until I know what motivated you to switch, I will have no choice but to be suspicious of you.” Logan explained, trying not to let his anger seep into his tone.

“You really think I decided to become a good person in one day? Have you forgotten all I’ve done for this city? I kept the criminals in line, I helped you in your jobs, I was on your side long before I officially joined you.” He said, a dark edge slithering into his tone.

“You helped us and kept the criminals in line because you wanted control over them, you wanted power. And just because you have the slightest semblance of a moral code does not automatically make you a good person.”

Janus turned away from him and took a deep breath, his eyes trained on the skyline, where the last dregs of sunlight were disappearing into the water.

“I never wanted that power.” He said, sounding oddly vulnerable.

Logan blinked in confusion and then hardened himself. Janus knew how to manipulate people, knew how to use their sympathy against them, no doubt he was doing the same now.

“Stop trying to manipulate me, that might work with Patton but I can see through your flimsy façade.”

Janus’s eyes hardened and he pulled up his mask.

“Well, if you really think a villain is all I am, you clearly don’t want my help on this job. I will leave you to it.” He swept away, his cape rustling along the concrete.

Logan watched him leave, a strange feeling in his throat. He should be feeling victorious, but all he could feel was a hollow emptiness.

He shook his head, however inaccurate the snake’s information may be, he still had to be on the lookout.

Janus claimed there would be a deal going down between the top hitman of their city and a corrupt official. The corrupt official was a little harder to deal with, they couldn’t exactly punch him out of office, but they had been trying to catch the hitman for a while now.

Known only by his moniker of Ghost, he had assassinated many important people and his actions were at the heart of most of the political turmoil of the city.

They hoped that if they got rid of ghosts, politicians would try to actually try to solve their problems diplomatically, instead of just assassinating their rivals.

An idle hope in Logan’s opinion but Patton had good faith in it.

Whether that worked out or not, Ghost had at least 5 accounts of murder to his name. 

Ghost was a successful assassin but Logan’s analysis of his fighting style told him he usually used a sniper or other long ranged weapons.

As long as Logan managed to get in close enough, he should be able to take him out easy enough. The official would probably go running as soon as he saw Logan.

Logan sat on the docks for what felt like hours, feeling antsy. The conversation with Janus kept running through his mind.

It was probably this distraction that made that he didn’t notice the sound of fighting on the docks at first. The sound of a gunshot startled him out of his musings.

“Shit.” He breathed and took off towards the noise.

Ghost stood next to the water, a gun in his hand and a twisted smile on his lips. He turned slowly as Logan rounded the corner.

Logan scanned the area, trying to locate whoever Ghost had been fighting, but he saw no one.

“You’re just too late, kid.” Ghost drawled.

“Too late for what? You’re still here.”

“Sure you’re not missing something?”

“I can assure you, I have everything I need. Now can we end this pointless conversation so I can put you where you belong?” Logan was beginning to feel frustrated, he had no idea what the assassin was talking about.

“Oh well, I’d love to, but I’m not sure how your friend would feel about that. I reckon he’s starting to feel a bit cold by now.” Ghost gestured at the water.

Friend? Cold? Logan stared at the water and flicked on his infrared detector. His breath caught as down in the water, the scanner picked up the shape of a body. A body that was rapidly losing warmth.

He moved towards the water but then realized he had almost forgotten the other person standing on the dock.

The person in question was leaning against a pole, a smug smirk on his lips.

“Woops, seems like you have to make a choice.”

Logan nearly groaned in frustration. This was the perfect opportunity to catch Ghost, everything had been planned out. After this, Janus’s source would be compromised and they would probably never get this close to the assassin again.

But this wasn’t even a choice. Logan would not just let Janus drown. 

He turned away from Ghost and stripped off his cloak. Ghost slipped away into the night behind him.

Carefully, Logan lowered himself into the water. He had been lectured enough about cold shock and hypothermia by Roman that knew not to just jump into the water. As much as every cell in his body was screaming at him to get to Janus as fast as possible.

Once he felt his body had been acclimated well enough, he submerged himself, taking care not to lose the figure on the infrared detector.

The water was ice cold and Logan felt it cut off his breathing. He wondered how long Janus had been in the water for.

As far as he saw, he wasn’t moving. Just drifting at the bottom of the, luckily, shallow harbour.

With one last gulp of air, Logan dove down. He grabbed Janus, struggling a little to wrap his arms around him. He could feel his extremities getting numb already. He pushed himself up from the bottom and kicked upwards.

Logan broke the surface with a gasp, drinking in a lungful of frigid air. Janus stayed unresponsive in his arms and Logan had the chilling suspicion he hadn’t taken a breath.

He swam to the shore as fast as he could. For every moment Janus didn’t move, Logan felt the sinking feeling in his gut deepen.

He managed to drag Janus out of the water with some difficulty. The cold was already taking its toll on his body.

He turned the other man on his side, making him expel the water from his lungs. He watched his chest, straining to see any type of movement there.

“Come on Janus, Pat will kill me if I let you die.” He said, sounding more choked than he was willing to admit. It was probably the cold.

Janus didn’t reply, of course he didn’t, even if he was breathing, he was too out of it to register what he was saying.

How he wished Roman was here.

Logan thought he saw a slight rise of Janus’s chest and he bent forward, trying to see it clearer. Another soft rise of his chest and a soft puff of breath against his cheek made the iron vice around his chest loosen a bit.

They weren’t in the clear yet, but at least he was breathing. 

What was the next thing he should be thinking about? 

Right, contacting the others, that was the most obvious next step now. And getting him warm, the water was ice cold and hypothermia was dangerous.

He switched on his comms first.

“Prince? I need assistance on the docks. Janus fell into the water, he’s breathing but his core temperature is low.” He reported clinically, trying not to sound like he was on the verge of a panic attack, that really was more Virgil’s speciality.

“Is his breathing regular? How is his heartbeat?” Roman’s voice came in immediately.

“They’re both stable. He’s fine for now but he needs treatment for hypothermia and cold shock as fast as possible.”

“Right, I’m on my way. Try to keep him as warm as possible. ETA is about 10 minutes.” With that Roman signed off, presumably to focus on racing through the streets at a frankly heartstopping pace.

Logan remembered his cloak, which he had shrugged off before following Janus into the water. With a worried glance and a quick check to make sure his breathing was still regular, he dashed off to find it.

Once he returned with the cloak securely clutched to his chest, he first dragged Janus to a slightly more secluded area of the docks.

He knew Roman would be able to find them because of the trackers in their gear, and he didn’t want to strip Janus right out in the open. He had a feeling Janus wouldn’t appreciate that.

He managed to wrangle him out of his cape and shirt, cursing the fiddly latches. Then he quickly wrapped him up in his cloak, tucking it closely around him so no cold air could get in.

Janus needed more than passive reheating, he was barely producing any body heat on his own and would need an outside source of warmth.

Logan sighed. He really would rather avoid this, knowing how the others would probably hold this over him for months.

Still, he had a job to do and however complicated his relationship with Janus was, he had to help him. It was his duty as a hero, and a friend.

He gently maneuvered Janus so he was leaning against his chest and wrapped his arms securely around the other. His cloak was waterproof, so even though Logan was still soaking, Janus shouldn’t get too wet.

He leaned back against a wall, keeping an eye on the surroundings while staying focused on Janus’s breathing.

He waited, Janus’s soft breaths moving against his chest.

He must have drifted off slightly, because he startled at the sound of a voice.

“Well, that’s just precious.” 

Roman was leaning against the wall, looking like he was filing Logan’s position away for future blackmail material.

Logan scowled.

“That was more than 10 minutes.”

“Sorry love, traffic was hell.”

“Like you’d let that slow you down.”

Roman just smirked and then turned to Janus, his smile making place for a worried expression.

He checked his pulse and breathing with practiced motions and then lifted him out of Logan’s arms.

They felt strangely empty without the weight.

Logan curled up on the couch, drinking from a cup of warming tea Roman had pressed into his hands.

He could hear Roman bustling around in the small med bay. He had offered his assistance but Roman had shooed him out with the instructions to take care of himself first.

Logan tried to ignore the nervous fluttering in his belly. Janus had been stable when they had brought him in and Roman was an expert nurse, he would be alright.

Finally, Roman popped his head around the corner. 

“You can come in now, I can feel your worry all the way from the other room.”

“I’m not worried.”

“Right.”

Logan entered the room. Janus was sitting up in the bed, looking tired and washed out, but at least not as pale and lifeless as when Logan had pulled him out of the water.

“Hi.” Janus croaked. He fidgeted awkwardly.

“Hello.” Logan replied.

An awkward silence filled the room.

“Thank you.” Janus eventually whispered, not meeting Logan’s eyes.

“I was just doing my job.” Logan tried to brush him off.

“Oh yeah? Does your job include saving villains?”

“My job includes saving everyone. And, I may have been a little harsh. I don’t think you’re truly a bad person. I’m just not entirely sure of your motivations yet. I just want to keep my friends safe. I know the dangers of trusting people too easily.” 

Janus looked at him in surprise, noticing the way Logan’s voice wavered slightly on the last line.

Logan didn’t meet his eyes.

“Well, I understand. It’s unfair of me to expect you to trust me after all I’ve done. I just hope that with time, I can prove to you that you  _ can  _ trust me and I really do mean well.”

Logan nodded.

“I hope so too.”

Janus smiled at him and Logan definitely didn’t feel like his stomach was doing cartwheels.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this isn't my best work. I'm really not very happy with it but I just wanted to post it so I could get it out of the way. Hope you still enjoy it a little.
> 
> Also, to anyone who left a comment, thank you so much! I'm shy about responding but know that I love and cherish every one of them and that they really motivate me to write.


	5. Don't cover yourself with thistle and weeds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW's for this chapter: minor character death, semi-graphic descriptions of injuries, parental death
> 
> This chapter includes romantic logince. I've decided I'm going to put the individual relationships for each chapter in the notes because otherwise I will just have to keep adding tags.
> 
> This prompt was suggested to me by the lovely MizzMarvel. Thank you for all the prompts, I hope you enjoy this chapter <3
> 
> Chapter title is from thistle and weeds by Mumford and sons. This song really helped inspire this chapter, particularly Remus and Roman's storyline, so give it a listen if you want.

Logan dropped his bag to the floor, frustration written in the lines of his posture.

“Hey sweetheart, how was your day?” His mother called from her office.

“It was uneventful as always and I am not in the mood to discuss it further.” He replied shortly.

His mother rounded the corner and took in his drawn face and the force with which he set his books down on the table.

She held out her arms invitingly and Logan let himself be wrapped up in her embrace, savouring the feeling of safety it gave him.

“Are the other kids giving you trouble again?” She asked.

The other kids were the least of his worries, currently. He could handle their childish taunting. His other problems were related to the more dangerous, night time aspect of his life. But he couldn’t exactly burden his mother with that. 

She would worry too much and while he wouldn’t exactly blame her for that, he didn’t need her nagging atop all his worries about Roman and Remus.

So he just nodded and left it at that.

His mother didn’t pressure him to say more. She understood that he didn’t always feel like talking.

Once he was finished with his homework, he locked the door to his room and grabbed the locked box he kept hidden away at the back of his dresser. He opened it and carefully arranged the papers inside into orderly stacks.

The box contained a wealth of information, information that could likely get him in serious trouble if it got into the wrong hands. These files were the fruit of months of research and careful surveillance.

Supply routes, lists of buyers, lists of couriers, the entire ledger, even the names of the most elusive members.

This information could dismantle the entire gang and that was their goal. A few more weeks and they had all the evidence they needed. 

Public scandals that would knock the leaders off their thrones, accounts of crimes and evidence so solid no judge would be able to refute it.

They would just have to drop it off at the police station and the gang’s fate would be sealed. It made Logan feel a little better whenever he looked at it. Despite the dangers, they were doing something good, something that would make this shithole of a city just a tiny bit more liveable. And hopefully, would help Remus.

Logan had to admit, he didn’t have that much faith in Roman’s plan. In theory, rolling up the drug rink so Remus lost his debts and could leave without fear of repercussions made sense.

But that theory was heavily relying on the fact that Remus even wanted to leave. He seemed way too comfortable in the criminal environment than Logan cared to see.

His phone started ringing and Logan picked it up without looking away from the supply route he was copying onto another paper.

“Hey erlenmeyer trash, you ready for tonight?”

Logan sighed at the nickname.

“Hello Roman, I told you at school I have everything prepared for tonight. I don’t see why you felt the need to call.”

“It’s just...something feels off. I’m scared something’s gonna go wrong.”

“Did something happen to make you feel like this?”

“No, not really. Well, I haven’t seen Remus in a while and he was acting weird the last time I called.”

“Remus dropping off the map or acting strange is not usually a cause for concern. He is prone to doing things like that.”

“Yeah, I know. I just…” Roman sounded uncharacteristically quiet. He must really be nervous.

“Is there anything else that caused this concern?”

“No…”

“Then we will be alright. We know what we do is dangerous, but there are no signs the gang is aware of what we are doing. We have gone undetected for months, it is improbable they would suddenly know now and not give us any sort of indication. But, if you really are worried, we can call tonight off.”

“No! No, the sooner we get this done, the better. And if you say we’ll be alright, I believe you.”

“So you’re listening to me for once. How novel.”

“Yeah, well, don’t get used to it, specs.”

Logan rolled his eyes.

“Just don’t forget the flashlights this time.”

“You’ll bring back up ones anyways. I don’t see why I bother.”

“It’s important to be prepared, definitely if you’re trying to fight crime with someone as scatterbrained as you.”

“You sound like Batman.”

“Good, that’s what I’m going for.”

“Well, caped crusader, I gotta go make dinner. See you tonight.”

“Yes. Don’t forget your scaly panties, robin.”

Roman signed off with a snort and Logan continued looking through the documents. But Roman’s words kept running through his head and his feeling of unease grew. Maybe it would be better to call it off for tonight.

No, Roman was right, they had to get this done as soon as possible. The longer they waited, the more time the gang had to discover what they were doing.

He decided to head downstairs. He had done all his prep work for tonight and sitting in his room feeling anxious wasn’t helping anyone.

Downstairs, music was playing and his mom and dad stood in the kitchen. They held each other close and were sloppily slowing along to the music, horribly off beat.

His dad noticed him standing in the door opening and beckoned him over.

They took him up in their embrace and his dad kept trying to dance, even though Logan was tripping over his own feet and his mother was laughing too much to follow along.

“Logan! Don’t tell me you don’t know how to slow.” His dad exclaimed as Logan bumped awkwardly into his mother again.

“It’s not like I’ve ever done it before. Nobody slows anymore, dad.”

“What a disgrace. My son should at least know how to slow. What if a pretty boy asks you to dance?”

Logan rolled his eyes but his dad was not to be dissuaded and grabbed him. 

“Just follow along to the music.” He instructed.

They ran through the steps slowly and after a while, Logan felt himself loosen up a little. His steps became less mechanical and more like an actual dance.

He smiled as he imagined himself dancing like this with Roman, the other boy was sure to enjoy it, always one for outdated romantic gestures.

His mom laughed and then grabbed his father.

“As important as teaching our son outdated school dances is, I still need your help with dinner.”

They finished making dinner together while Logan set the table. 

“ _ Lettuce _ eat.” His dad called as he set a bowl of salad down on the table and Logan groaned and hid his head in his hands.

“That pun was  _ souper _ bad.” His mom groaned.

“Stop.” Logan whined.

“What, don’t you  _ loaf _ my jokes?” His dad asked.

“They’re terrible.”

“I think they’re sub _ lime. _ ” His mom laughed.

Logan lay in his bed, the light from his phone lighting up his face as he waited for his parents to go to bed.

Finally Logan deemed it safe enough to leave and he slunk out of the house.

He walked through the silent neighbourhood till he reached the busier, less ideal parts of town. 

There, he found Roman leaning against a wall, in a red leather jacket and heavy black boots, blending in with the crowd of people out on a friday night. Logan felt his heart stutter at the careless way Roman was slumped against the wall, his face cast in stark shadows by the neon lights from a nearby club.

He reminded Logan of the devil, of the incarnation of pride, everything about him inviting yet dangerous.

Logan stopped staring and walked over to join him, trying to lean against the wall with the same graceful abandon but only managing to look like an awkward stick.

“Hello, my dark night.” Roman said.

“You forgot the panties.”

“Oh no, what a tragedy. Guess I can’t be your Robin tonight. Maybe I can be your batwoman?”

“Batwoman’s gay, you dolt.”

“I mean, same.”

“And they’re cousins.”

“Yeah, nevermind.”

“Come on, we have a job to do.” Logan reminded him.

They stayed out all night. Skulking in the shadows and trailing couriers all over the city. Logan felt a strange thrill every time he looked over at Roman. His eyes glinted with excitement and adrenaline. 

During the day, they were just teenagers, being pushed and shoved and keeping their heads down as they walked to class. 

But now, they were so much more. They became a part of the city, let her bustling energy envelop them. They slipped out of their skin under the streetlights and let themselves disappear into the hubbub and danger that prowled the city streets.

They were angels bringing her justice, they were devils tearing her apart.

They hid behind dumpsters in cold alleyways and walked along the busy promenades, holding each other and pretending to get lost in the others touch, all the while keeping their eyes trained on their mission.

Finally, when the sky was turning a murky gray and Logan’s eyes felt gritty with sleep, they ended up on a bench two streets from Logan’s home. In the suburban neighbourhood, nothing was stirring and, even in the city, it was too early for even the earliest risers. 

Roman curled up on the bench and stared at him. Logan stared right back, too tired to care about being seen as weird.

“Do you think it’ll work?” Roman asked, his voice breaking the quiet of the park.

“The evidence we have collected is irrefutable, as long as we take care to deliver it to the right people, there is no reason it shouldn’t.”

“Yeah, I know that. I meant Remus. You said he might not come back, even if he is relieved of his debts. What if he’s really just in it because, I don't know, he likes it? Or he just feels like he fits in there?”

“I don’t know your brother as well as you do. If you have faith in him, then I believe it will work.”

“That’s the thing, I don’t know if I have faith in him. He’s just… So different nowadays. It’s like I don’t even know him anymore.”

“Roman, it will be alright. Your brother may have made some mistakes, but it doesn’t mean he is changed forever. Sometimes people just have trouble figuring themselves out. And either way, whether he makes the right choice or not, at least we did our best.”

Roman smiled at him, his mascara smudged and the glow of the street light lighting up his frizzy hair in a halo of golden light.

“You’re a great friend, you know that right?” 

“I try my best.” Logan said with a soft smile.

Roman sat up and leant forward. He reached out and gently traced his thumb over Logan’s jaw. Logan looked up into his eyes, his breath stopping somewhere along the path from his lungs to his mouth. Roman’s thumb came to a stop on his lips.

“Is this alright?” He whispered.

Logan just nodded, his usual eloquence rendered mute.

Roman moved in closer and gently, ever so gently, slotted his lips onto Logan’s.

It was soft, and sweet and when he drew back, he pressed his forehead to Logan’s with a bubbly laugh. He threaded his fingers through Logan’s hair.

Finally, after a long moment of his brain incoherently looping the last moment over and over again, he managed to regain some mobility and placed his hand over the one Roman had cupped around his cheek. He turned his head and placed a kiss on Roman’s palm.

“We’re going to change the world.” Roman breathed, ecstatic with sleep deprivation and adrenaline.

“Together.” Logan whispered back.

As Logan walked home that morning, he felt invincible, untouchable. All the grey days at school fell away, all the teasing and bullying and all the fear was suddenly gone.

He felt like he was soaring, floating somewhere high above his life. He was so much more than himself in that moment.

Maybe, he didn’t want this to end. However terrifying chasing after criminals was, that particular high almost made the danger worth it. He mourned the fact that it would be over soon. That they would put the gang away, file away the info they had collected and go back to school, alone in the knowledge of what they had done.

The ecstatic feeling faded when he entered his garden and noticed the front door was open. His blood ran cold.

Had his parents noticed his absence? He had no idea how he would explain this to them.

He entered the house quietly, trepidation burning in his stomach. Should he call out? Maybe he had just left the door open?

But Logan distinctly remembered checking it was locked before leaving.

Downstairs, all was quiet. Everything looked as it should have been except that muddy footprints tracked in from the door to the stairs.

That was disconcerting, there was a very strict ‘no shoes upstairs’ policy in the house.

Logan’s unease grew. He crept upstairs.

“Mom? Dad?” He called out hesitantly.

The house stayed dead quiet.

With a deep breath, he kept moving. He looked in his room first, as it was right next to the stairs.

The door was pulled open. Strange, Logan could swear he had closed it.

His breath hitched when he saw his room. All his drawers were pulled open. His papers were strewn out over the floor. 

The box! 

Logan found it upturned and shoved in a corner of the room. All the papers were gone. All the evidence they had collected missing.

Ice cold terror clenched around his heart. 

They knew.

Without a second thought, he tore out of his room and ran to his parent’s room.

“Mom! Dad!” He choked off when he entered the room.

No! No, no, no, no! 

This wasn't real. This was just a nightmare. He would wake up any second. This just couldn't be real.

Blood painted the walls and bedsheets. It looked like a scene from a horror movie, almost comical in its goriness. If he had seen this in a movie he would have scoffed at the overuse of fake blood.

He hesitantly stepped closer and kneeled next to his mother, who was sprawled out on the floor, her entire back a mess of torn flesh and blood and glistening things Logan didn’t want to examine too closely.

“Mom?” His voice came out waveringly.

He reached out. A pulse, he should look for a pulse. He tried to take her arm but recoiled from the blood that covered it.

It was warm and sticky and already seeping through his pants.

“Mom, wake up.” He whispered.

“Mom, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I wasn’t here, I’m sorry I stayed out all night, just please, wake up.” He begged, like apologizing would fix anything.

She still wasn't moving and neither was his dad. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Logan was aware that begging wasn’t doing him any good. He needed to call for help.

But all that came out of his mouth were more pleas.

“Mom! Stop ignoring me! Just wake up!” He yelled and then he started crying, great gasping sobs that tore all the air from his lungs. 

He needed them to wake up, he needed to feel their arms around him, needed their comfort. They couldn’t be gone. Not like this, not now, not when just an hour ago, Roman had kissed him, not when outside he could hear the trucks thundering by. This wasn’t real. It just couldn’t be.

He screamed, desperate and heartbroken. 

_ Wake up _ .

His eyes got caught on a flash of green on the walls and he looked up. 

On the wall, painted in a bright neon green, was the symbol he had been studying for months, the gang's symbol, a sword pointed downwards, and underneath it, like an artist’s tag, a sloppy R.

_ Remus. _

Logan felt anger curl in his gut. After everything they had done to help him, this was his answer. 

He would pay. 

This wasn’t the end. If they thought they could stop him with this, they were wrong. He would get his revenge, he would burn that gang to the ground and he would  _ destroy _ Remus.

This was personal now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this one got pretty dark. Whoops, sorry Logan.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it and if you did feel free to leave a comment <3
> 
> Also, this will be Logan (and Roman and Remus)'s backstory for most of the chapters in my AU, unless I state otherwise. But it probably won't be mentioned that much.


	6. One love, one house

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No warnings for this chapter, just fluff.
> 
> Chapter contains romantic DLAMP
> 
> chapter title is from sweater weather by the neighbourhood

Patton loved his roommate, he really did, but he was just a little eccentric. Patton could deal with the sneaking in at hellish hours in the early morning, and the mud he tracked into the appartement and the faint smell of antiseptic and blood that was always present in their bathroom.

He could even deal with his roommate occasionally forgetting his tasks or even disappearing for days on end. 

But this was just unacceptable. Patton stood in front of a near empty fridge, only a refrigerated tupperware full of noodles and a jar of pickles left.

“Virgil?” He called. 

His roommate looked up at him from under his messy bangs, dark circles that seemed to take up half of his face under his eyes. He really should stop sneaking out at night. Patton had hoped he would have gotten more sleep during the holidays, but it seemed his roommate was determined to work himself into an early grave.

“What have you been eating?” He asked, pointing to the fridge.

Virgil gaped at him for a moment as the question made its way into his sleep deprived brain.

“Uhm, noodles?” He said, sounding unsure of himself.

“Just noodles?”

“And pickles, I guess.”

“During the holiday season?”

“Yes?”

Patton sighed. Virgil just continued staring at him, seemingly unaware of why Patton was so upset.

“You did eat something other than noodles on Christmas, right?” He asked, his voice edging on desperation.

“I dunno, when was Christmas?”

Patton snapped.

“Nope, this is unacceptable. I don’t care if you celebrate or not, but you should at least  _ eat _ something.”

“I ate.” Virgil grumbled.

“Noodles!” Patton interjected.

“And it’s not like I had a lot of time on my hands to cook an elaborate meal.”

“One, it’s not that hard to throw some vegetables into a wok and two, what are you even doing during the holidays, it’s not like we have classes.”

Virgil looked down.

“Studying.” He mumbled.

“More like stu _ dying _ , with the way you look.”

“I don’t look that bad.”

“You look like a corpse, a cute corpse, but still a corpse.”

Virgil flushed and Patton had to fight not to coo. He was just so cute.

“Whatever, are you free tonight?” He continued.

“Uhh, sure? I have something at 11 though.”

“That’s fine, I’m cooking you dinner tonight and we’re going to have a little holiday celebration.”

“Patton, I don’t really celebrate Christmas.”

“It’s not about Christmas. I just want to have a nice night with my friend and while I’m at it, I want to make sure you’re eating something for once.”

“Ok, fine. We’ll have a holiday celebration.” Virgil groaned, but he didn’t seem totally against the idea.

Patton cheered. 

“Okay, I’m going to pop over to the store first. We’ll need ingredients.”

“It’s fine, you don’t have to bother yourself too much.” 

“Nonsense, I love cooking for others. Also, we’re all out of food except noodles, so I’d have to go shopping anyways.”

Virgil had the decency to look mildly guilty at that.

Virgil accompanied him to the store. Which, unlike Patton had expected, did not speed up the shopping process, but only slowed them down as they fooled around. 

“Okay, okay. Let's get this done quickly,  _ thyme  _ is money.” Patton said, waggling his eyebrows at Virgil.

“What the hell am I  _ doughing  _ here.” Virgil groaned.

Patton gasped. “You made a pun!” He exclaimed.

“Yeah well, don’t expect too many of those. I wouldn’t want to  _ oat _ verdo it.”

Patton gasped in delight.

“The  _ s’more _ puns you make, the  _ s’more _ i love you.” He proclaimed and Virgil blushed beet red.

Patton giggled as he looked at Virgil having fun. His roommate was usually a lot more reserved and morose. He had no idea what had happened that had put Virgil in such high spirits, but whatever it was, Patton was grateful. The smile that graced Virgil’s face was the most breathtaking thing he had seen all week.

Patton looked away, aware he had been staring just a little too long.

The meal was delicious, if he said so himself, and Virgil seemed to agree. He lounged back in his chair languidly, sleepy from the good food. He looked better than Patton had seen him all month. The colour had returned to his cheeks again and his eyes sparkled.

Patton silently congratulated himself on a job well done.

“That was great, Pat. Seriously.”

“I’m humbled by your compliments.”

Virgil smiled.

“Where did you even learn how to cook like this?”

“My moms taught me. They made sure to teach me all the basic survival skills like cooking, laundry and how to snare and skin rabbits.”

“Snare rabbits?” Virgil laughed.

“I lived in a forest, I had to be able to take care of myself. They taught me all kinds of other cool survival stuff too.”

“Nice, my mom barely taught me how to turn on a stove.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine.” Virgil waved him away. “My parents just had other priorities in my upbringing. Maybe you could teach me to cook something other than pasta?”

“I’d love to.” Getting to cook and spend more time with Virgil? It sounded like heaven to Patton.

Virgil looked at the clock and suddenly shot up.

“Shit, I have to go. I’m sorry. Thanks for the food, Patton.”

“It’s fine. Anytime.” Patton watched him leave with an empty feeling in his stomach. 

He didn’t mind his roommate’s odd habits, but sometimes he wished he didn’t always run off.

~

Patton had to be honest, when Virgil had first told him about his boyfriends, he had been quite shocked.

Not because of the boyfriends, plural. Patton was pretty sure he was polyamorous himself.

No, it was the fact that quiet, shy, reserved Virgil, the guy who Patton had never seen interact with anyone except Patton, had somehow gotten himself not one, but two boyfriends.

And yeah, maybe he did feel a sharp stab of jealousy when Virgil first told him. He wondered how his boyfriends had gotten him to realize they wanted to date him. Patton had been trying to make his feelings clear for months now and was almost convinced Virgil was aromantic.

They must have yelled something along the lines of “We have romantic feelings for you” to get through that thick skull of his. 

Patton didn’t resent Virgil for dating them, he was happy for him. Virgil really needed something good in his life. 

And now, here he was, cooking up an elaborate meal for Virgil’s boyfriends. 

When Virgil had told him about his boyfriends and the fact that they had been going steady for a while, Patton had insisted they come over for dinner sometime.

“I have to make sure they’re not going to break my best friend’s heart.” He had argued.

Virgil had complained at that, but his boyfriends had agreed and a date had been fixed.

Patton had maybe gone a little overboard with the meal. Two curries stewed on the stove and he was just about to throw the homemade falafel into the pan. In the oven, naans he had made from scratch were baking.

He hoped they liked Indian.

Virgil let his boyfriends into the appartement and  _ wow, _ they were hot. 

One of them, the shorter of the two, beamed at him, his smile perfectly blinding, and walked over to him.

“Hello, you must be the charming Patton I’ve heard so much about.” He said with a theatrical bow.

The taller one walked over to them with a more reserved smile.

“I’m Logan and this character here is Roman. It’s a pleasure to finally meet you, Virgil has told us a lot about you.” He stuck out his hand.

“Really, he has?” Patton felt a warm glow at that knowledge.

“Well, it’s nice to meet you too.” He continued.

“So you’re the one who’s been keeping our Virgil alive?” Roman asked him.

“What?” Patton asked.

“V has a lot of skills, basic self care isn’t one of them.” Roman clarified.

“We’re happy he has such a good friend.” Logan added.

“Well, I’m happy to take care of him. But, yeah, self care isn’t one of his skills.”

“As much as I appreciate you guys bonding, I can take care of myself.” Virgil interjected.

“Debatable.” Logan said.

Roman seemed to have noticed the food bubbling on the stove by now.

“Ooh, indian.” He exclaimed.

“It smells good.” Logan complimented.

“Well, it’s nearly done, so get seated and I’ll bring the food over.” 

“You guys are in for a treat. Pat’s the best cook I know.” Virgil informed them.

Patton blushed at the high praise.

“I must say I’m intrigued.” Logan said, while taking a seat at the table.

Patton turned off the stove and added a few leaves of coriander before carrying the dishes over to the table.

“Do you need a hand? It looks like a lot.” Roman offered.

Finally, with Roman’s help, the table was set and they all dug in, dipping their naans into the curries Patton had made.

Roman moaned theatrically. 

“God, this is just heavenly.” He praised.

“It’s great Patton.” Virgil offered.

“Yes, it is quite splendid. What spices did you use?” Logan asked him.

“Well, this one has chilli powder...”

“I can taste that.” Virgil grumbled.

“Turmeric, cumin and coriander and the other one has bay leaves, cardamom, cinnamon, cloves and more chilli powder.”

“That’s a lot of spices.” Roman said.

“That’s the secret to Indian cooking, the things they can do with spices is just magical.” Patton replied.

They talked more. 

Logan told him he was studying theoretical physics at the university where Virgil also studied. 

“Wow, theoretical physics. Isn’t that like black holes and stuff?” Patton asked, intrigued.

“Oh boy, don’t get him started.” Virgil muttered.

Logan paid him no mind.

“That’s one aspect but it’s also so much more. It touches on all aspects of our lives.” With that Logan launched into an impassioned speech about all the things theoretical physics touched on and the different aspects of it.

Patton didn’t understand everything he was going on about, physics hadn’t been his best subject in school, but he enjoyed listening to Logan all the same. He had a way of speaking that drew you in. It was clear he really enjoyed the subject he was studying. Patton felt like he could listen to Logan for hours on end. A glance at the others told him they felt the same way, both of them staring at him with fond expressions.

“I apologise. I was rambling again, I have been told I have a tendency to do that.” Logan cut himself off.

“What? There’s nothing to apologize for, it was really fascinating.”

Logan smiled softly but didn’t go on. An awkward silence fell over the table.

“So!” Patton piped up brightly. “What do you do, Roman?”

“I’m studying to become a nurse actually.” 

“Really? cool!”

They chatted about all kinds of things. Roman complained about the amount of things he had to learn. Logan told him it was nothing compared to what he had to study. Virgil lamented about annoying professors. And Patton listened, feeling a little like an intruder but a part of it all the same.

They complemented each other perfectly. Patton had no idea how they had met or what made them such a good team, but it must be something wonderful indeed. 

In that moment, Patton wished so fervently he could be a part of it. He barely knew Logan and Roman and yet he could feel himself falling for them even now.

They didn’t seem to mind him being there, roping him into the conversation easily. 

Logan smiled at him from across the table and Roman slung an arm over his shoulder, laughing at one of his puns.

Virgil was just getting up to refill the water jug, when an alert on his phone went off. All three of them jumped up.

“We have to leave.” Logan said, looking at his phone.

“Shit, I’m so sorry Patton.” Virgil repeated for what seemed like the thousandth time. It felt like whenever Patton was finally making progress in his relationship, something interrupted.

He didn’t mind the weird habits, he just wished he would let him in on his secrets. Hadn’t he proved his trustworthiness to Virgil?

They left him with the dishes and an empty feeling in his chest.

~

Roman, Virgil and Logan sat at the dinner table while Patton busied himself in the kitchen, finding comfort in the familiar routine of cooking. A tense silence filled the usually cozy apartment.

“How long have you known?” Logan asked finally.

Patton looked at Virgil when he answered.

“Probably since the first month.”

Virgil stammered. “I thought…”

“You thought what Virgil? That I didn’t notice you sneaking in at five in the morning? That I didn’t notice that whenever you ran off during dinner, Storm was suddenly on the news? That I didn't notice all the cuts and bruises you collected? You thought, what? That I was stupid? Blind? Deaf?” He knew he was being unfair, the others looked tired and miserable and guilty. But all his frustration at being left in the dark for years was bubbling over. 

He was so tired of being treated as stupid, of being left behind when the others had to attend to hero bussiness. He was tired of lying awake worrying about them.

Patton returned to chopping the leeks with more force than absolutely necessary.

“We wanted to protect you.” Logan said, guilt colouring his voice.

“I don’t need your protection. I think you saw that tonight.” 

“Yes, we were wrong. I realize that now. We apologize”

“I don’t.” Virgil said.

Patton stared at him. “What?”

Virgil stood up and faced him. “I’m sorry about lying to you, but I won’t apologize for trying to protect you. It’s bad enough these two are out on the streets, I don’t need another untrained civilian risking their life.” Virgil gestured at Roman and Logan, who didn’t look happy about being called untrained.

Patton laughed bitterly. “I’m not untrained, that much should be clear. And what makes you so trained then?” 

Virgil sighed.

“When I said my parents had other priorities in my upbringing, I meant it. Instead of learning maths and chemistry, I learnt how to fight, how to take down a grown man, how to disappear into the shadows.”

“Why?” Patton asked, he was aware Virgil hadn’t had the most traditional upbringing, but this wasn’t what he had expected.

“I was to be an assassin, but the company we worked for disbanded and my mom decided to give me a normal life.” He explained coldy, it was clear there was more there, but Patton decided now was not the best time to ask.

They were all tired from the events of the evening and Patton really just wanted to curl up in bed and sleep for another week. All his anger at his friends keeping him in the dark had faded, leaving him with just his exhaustion.

He turned back to the quiche he was making, with store bought dough, his mom would be shocked, and slid it into the oven.

“I’m just happy you guys are alright.” He said, extending an olive branch.

“Well, we were lucky our valiant knight in shining armour came to our rescue.” Roman said, his voice lacking his usual flamboyance.

Patton sat down next to Virgil and laid his head on his shoulder. Virgil wrapped his arm around him.

“You guys are lucky I knew where you were.”

“Yeah, how did you do that? Do you have us micro-chipped or something?” Roman questioned.

Patton just smiled mysteriously.

  
  


~

Patton popped his head into their bedroom, where Janus was talking into a phone. Patton listened for a moment as Janus talked to someone in rapid fire French, sounding mildly irritated.

He noticed Patton standing in the doorway and held up a hand signaling he would be done soon. He rolled his eyes and mouthed “Grandmother” at him.

Patton stifled a giggle. Janus’s grandmother was notoriously difficult. 

“Oui, oui mémé, je promets.”

He put down the phone with a sigh. 

“Why is she like this?” He sighed in exasperation.

Patton wrapped his arms around Janus’s waist and nuzzled into his neck.

“It’s ‘cause she loves you, honeybee.”

“Loves to annoy me, more like. Anyways, did you need something,  _ mon cœur _ ?”

“Yeah, you said you’d help with dinner?”

“Course, give me a minute, I’m coming.”

“I’ll go peel the potatoes.” Patton bounced down the stairs.

On the couch, Logan and Roman were attempting to watch a period drama, keyword, attempting. 

They were currently critiquing the costumes in the show, Roman in particular was raving about corsets on bare skin.

Patton smiled, he loved them both very much, but watching a movie or show with them was nearly impossible. They both had trouble keeping their thoughts to themselves.

“Having fun?” He asked as he pressed a kiss to Roman’s forehead.

“Corsets on  _ bare skin,  _ Patton! What is wrong with them?” Roman flung his hands up, nearly knocking Patton’s glasses off.

“Whoops, sorry.” He apologized.

Patton kissed him again and gave Logan a quick side hug.

“You guys enjoy, I’m going to get started on dinner.”

“I highly doubt I will be able to enjoy it, considering all the mistakes in the writing and costuming.” Logan muttered.

Janus joined him in making dinner and together they worked efficiently. Janus was a great cook and a good help in the kitchen. Together, they managed to make something good without getting in each others’ way too much.

Janus put on an old timey jazz song and as the food sizzled on the stove, they slowed gently in the kitchen.

The door opened and Virgil blew in with a gust of cold air. He groaned as he dropped his bag on the floor.

“Everything all right, mon amour?” Janus questioned.

“Just tired, training was hard today.” Virgil sighed.

“Yeah, I see. Go take a shower.” Janus wrinkled his nose.

Virgil made to kiss Janus but he warded him off. 

“Go shower first.” He instructed.

“I want a kiss.” Virgil whined.

“I’ll give you a kiss.” Patton said.

“Don’t enable him.” Janus groaned but he pressed a quick kiss to Virgil’s nose.

Patton drew Virgil in for a soft, gentle one and then pushed him in the direction of the shower.

“Go. Food’s nearly done.”

Right on cue, Roman bounced into the kitchen, Logan trailing behind him.

“Food’s ready?” He asked.

“Not yet. Will you guys set the table?” Patton asked.

As busy clattering filled the kitchen, Patton felt a smile slip onto his lips. Janus noticed and wrapped his arms around him.

“What are you thinking about?” He whispered into his ear.

“Just thinking about how lucky I am.”

“Yeah, we really are.” He sighed.

They smiled as Virgil entered the kitchen and promptly got wrapped up in a hug from Roman.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what I have found out from writing this chapter is that I suck at writing fluff. So, sorry if this isn't my best work, I was trying out something new. Next chapters will probably be more angsty, 'cause that's more my cup of tea.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed <3
> 
> Also, if it wasn't obvious, I really like Indian food ;)


	7. Seemed the better way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cw's for this chapter: major character death, unsympathetic sides, violence, murder  
> If you're uncomfortable with any of this, feel free to skip this chapter. This chapter is not connected to any of the other chapters.
> 
> The idea for this chapter was given to me by the lovely MizzMarvel. Thank you for all you amazing prompts, hope you enjoy this chapter <3
> 
> Chapter title is from 'It seemed the better way' by Leonard Cohen
> 
> This chapter contains romantic LAMP and DLAMP.

“V? Virgil? Come on, wake up.” Roman pleaded as Patton cradled Virgil against his chest.

Blood, so much blood was spilling over Roman’s hands, onto the dirty concrete under them. 

Logan sat a little distance away, his face a blank slate, his eyes staring past the blood and pain into something only he could see.

Patton sobbed and pressed his face into Virgil hair matted with sweat and blood.

“Come back to us.” He whispered around the tears.

But Virgil didn’t stir, he just stayed there, his chest ripped open, his eyes unseeing. 

Roman screamed, a scream filled with agony and loss and Patton felt it echoed in his chest. 

This couldn’t be real, not Virgil. Not the strongest, fastest, most experienced of the group. The one who always knew what to do, who had taught Patton how to fight, how to run over rooftops. He couldn’t be so small, so empty. He couldn’t just give up like this, he had survived so many impossible things before, he had to survive this. The duke couldn’t take this from them too.

“I’m going to kill him.” Logan said, his voice flat and robotic, not a trace of human emotion.

“What? You can’t.” Roman protested, his voice wavering.

“He’s taken enough from me. This is the last time.”

“Seriously!” Roman yelled. “Virgil’s just… He just… And you’re already…?” Roman broke off with a choked sob.

“Logan.” Patton tried, but he didn’t know what he wanted to say. Did he really want to stop Logan anymore? Had it been any other day, Patton wouldn’t even have hesitated to stop him but now, with his lover’s body cooling in his arms, what did those rules even mean anymore? The duke had no regard for them. What was the point of following them if this was the price?

“Don’t, Patton.” Logan snapped.

Patton looked around, at the chains on the wall, the instruments that he didn’t want to examine too closely, at the blood pooling at his knees and finally at the fine boned face of his lover. He thought of the fear, the pain he knew Virgil must have felt. 

Grief threatened to pull him under, to drown him in her dark, choking waves. 

They had been too late, always too late. And the duke had beaten them again, taken the light from their lives yet again. It wasn’t enough that he had killed Logan’s parents, that he had ruined Roman’s life, he wouldn’t rest till he had taken everything good and happy and wholesome from them. 

Well, if that was the case, then Patton wouldn’t have mercy anymore. Nobody hurts his family.

“I’m coming with you.” He snarled, anger so unfamiliar to him coursing through his veins. 

Emotion broke through Logan’s façade at that, surprise and pain.

“Patton.” He whispered brokenly.

“Save it, you’re right Logan. I’m done with letting him hurt people.”

Patton looked at Roman.

“Roman?” He asked.

Roman stared at the floor, debating with himself.

“Can we bury him first?” He whispered.

Logan finally softened and wrapped his arms around him.

The three heroes sat in the darkening warehouse with their grief.

~

Roman should feel something, anything at all. 

His brother had killed Virgil, his own brother had killed him. 

It kept repeating through his head, all through the funeral and night afterwards, while Patton and Logan started planning.

Shouldn’t he be angry or sad? Shouldn’t he feel something? It was all just static, just a fuzzy blur of words and the memories of finding Virgil in that warehouse playing in a loop. 

They were going to kill his brother and Roman couldn’t find it in himself to care anymore. 

It was over, Roman had tried long enough, his brother was lost to him now.

He watched as Remus smiled at them, made a comment about Virgil. He watched as Patton took out the guards, this time not just blowing out kneecaps. 

Roman sidestepped a charging guard and stabbed a knife into his guts. They took down the guards with a scary efficiency, their ruthlessness unexpected.

Remus turned tail and tried to flee and Patton shot two bullets into his legs. He went down with a pained cry.

He smiled up at them as they gathered around him.

“You won’t kill me.” He panted.

Roman looked at his brother, lying there on the ground, still so sure of his victory For the first time, when Roman looked at him, he didn’t see all the memories. The memories of the orphanage, of his brother protecting him, of sneaking out at night to go to the city. He didn’t see the person he had tried to save, the person he had convinced himself was still somewhere deep inside his brother.

He just saw what he really was, a murderer, a criminal. Someone who would never stop hurting and destroying. Roman had enabled him long enough. It was time for it to end.

He nodded at Logan. 

Remus’s eyes widened as Logan lifted his dagger and slipped it neatly between his ribs.

~

Logan squared his shoulders against the rain beating down and the cold curling into his jacket. He clenched the flowers in his hand so tightly the stems had bent.

The graveyard was empty, nobody willing to brave the rain for a few corpses. 

He breathed a sigh of relief, the last thing he wanted right now were random onlookers. With their annoying sympathy and their curiosity.

He knelt at the small grave in the corner of the graveyard. He laid the flowers down on the cold, wet marble and traced the letters on the headstone.

“I am the soft stars that shine at night.” It read. 

Patton had picked it out.

Such a pretty lie. It was tempting to imagine Virgil looking down on them when he stared at the stars at night. To recognize the sparkling of his eyes in celestial bodies billions of lightyears away. 

Logan wished he could believe it true.

“I’m sorry, my love.” He repeated the phrase he had uttered every time he visited the grave. An apology, for being too late, for not being able to save him, for not stopping the villains who had so cruelly ripped his lover away from him. 

He had had so many chances, so many opportunities to strike, to end the fight once and for all. And yet he had never been strong enough to do it. Even after he had found his parents in a puddle of their own blood, even after all the atrocities the monsters in this city had committed, he had never broken that golden rule. And this was the result: a cold grave, a snippet of a poem, a cold space in their bed.

He would not be so merciful again. The duke might be gone but the city contained other monsters. Monsters who had taken lovers and brothers and children from other people. He knew more than anyone what that grief felt like and he felt disgusted with the fact that he had let them continue inflicting it. As a hero, wasn’t it his job to protect those people, no matter the cost?

The news broadcast from yesterday flashed through his head. The city rejoicing over the death of the duke. But a note of fear had tainted the celebrations. Were their heroes to be trusted if they could kill so ruthlessly? What separated them from the villains?

Logan found the whole debate ridiculous. The duke was gone and heroes had finally had the guts to stand up to the vile villains that infested their city. Why would the citizens fear them? They were on the good side.

They were going to take down all the people who had hurt and killed and destroyed, regardless of what the people thought. They would be grateful one day.

He walked out of the graveyard, throwing the old flowers in a trash can by the gate.

~

Janus ran. Ran from the people who were supposed to protect the city. He had looked up to them once, admired them. They brought light into the dark streets, beat out the shadows. Now they were nothing more than dark, washed out versions of themselves. 

Whatever had happened to the purple hero must have been terrible. Janus ached for him, wished he’d known the duke’s plans, had found a way to prevent this happening. 

The city was falling. With the heroes killing indiscriminately, people were terrified. This would only end in tragedy for everyone. And right now, that tragedy seemed awfully close for Janus.

A shot rang out and a sharp pain exploded in his leg. The light blue hero certainly knew how to aim Janus thought detachedly as the heroes gathered around him.

Sharp fear shot through him. He wasn’t going to get out of this one. He could expect no mercy from these heroes.

“It’s over, snake.” The red one snarled.

“If you do this, the city will burn. Can’t you see you’re destroying it?” He knew it would get him nowhere, but he had to try. As it was, he was the last one standing between these heroes and innocent civilians. Janus had long lost the hope that they would stop at just killing all the criminals.

“We are saving it.” Logos snapped.

“You are no heroes, not anymore.” Janus panted.

“And what would you know about that?” The light blue one asked, pointing his gun at Janus’s head.

“More than you apparently, you can’t save people by killing them.” 

The hero paid him no mind and tightened his grip on the trigger. 

Janus’s breath hitched. 

God, he didn’t want to die. Not yet, not like this.

“Please, just think about what you’re doing.” He begged, staring into that bright blue domino mask, hoping to find a glimpse of humanity.

The gun went off.

~

Logan stared at the monitors flashing warning signs at him. 

“What’s going on?” Roman asked him from where he was draped sideways on the office chair.

“I don’t know.” 

“Well, that’s a first.” Roman laughed.

“Ro, don’t be mean.” Patton chastised.

“These readings look similar to Vortex’s teleporting abilities, but I’ve never seen them at this magnitude before.”

“Didn’t we take care of Vortex months ago?” Roman asked, joining him at the monitor.

“It’s unlikely it’s Vortex. It seems unlikely they would magically come back to life and even then, they wouldn’t be able to produce readings of this scale.”

“I guess we’ll have to go check it out.” Patton sighed.

“Shame, I was looking forward to movie night.” Roman sighed.

“There will be enough time for that later.” Logan consoled his boyfriend with a kiss.

They suited up and headed out into the quiet city. 

In the alleyway the readings had originated from, five figures argued among themselves.

“I told you we shouldn’t have trusted them.” One griped.

“Well, sorry for trying to save the goddam city.” A familiar voice replied.

Logan couldn’t see them properly, but there was something very familiar about them. He strained to make out their faces in the gloom.

Then, a voice he had thought he would never hear again broke through the arguing. A voice that made his heart beat with happiness and his chest swell with grief.

“Guys, stop arguing, it’s not going to get us anywhere. Lo, do you have any idea what that was?” Virgil’s voice asked as he stepped out of the shadows into the pale light of a distant streetlight.

Next to Logan, Patton’s breath hitched and Roman shifted forward.

He looked the same as the last time Logan had seen him, before the duke had gotten his hands on him, his body all tense and wary lines, his eyes scanning the area, looking for threats. Not that empty, lifeless husk that was all that was left after the Duke was through with him.

I took all of Logan’s willpower not to surge forward and wrap his lost lover in his arms. One of the other figures stepped into the light too, tapping away at a screen. Patton gasped, and when the figure looked up, Logan realized why. That was the face he saw in the mirror every day. The figure was him. But how?

“What the hell?” Roman muttered as someone who looked exactly like him stepped into the light too.

“The readings that portal gave off are similar to the ones Vortex produces.” The other Logan said.

“Vortex teleports to different places, this looks like the exact same alleyway we were in before.” 

A figure Logan had last seen begging for their life at their feet stepped into the light. 

Deceit, the serpent, the snake, looking at ease surrounded by these alternate versions of them.

“My technology isn’t interacting with anything, I can’t even access satellites.” Other Logan sighed.

“Strange.” Deceit said, looking over Logan’s shoulder at the screen.

“Have you tried turning it off and back on again?” Patton, the other Patton, asked.

Just as other Logan was about to answer that frankly ridiculous comment, Virgil’s eyes snapped upward, focusing on the spot they were crouched. 

He motioned for the others to shut up and they obliged, immediately falling into a fighting stance.

“Who’s there?” Virgil called out.

“I guess we should go introduce ourselves.” Patton whispered shakily.

Logan took a deep breath. On one hand, the prospect of seeing Virgil again, of being able to talk to him and hold him, was something he had dreamed of every night. But on the other hand, it all felt wrong. 

Virgil stood there, surrounded by alternate versions of them and a villain who had died years ago. This wasn’t their Virgil and Logan was scared of comparing them. It felt too much like chasing after a quickly dissipating dream.

But Roman was moving forward already, swinging off a pipe and landing on the ground in a controlled descent. Logan and Patton followed suit.

“Hello.” Patton greeted them awkwardly.

The others all stared at them for a long moment, dumbfounded, until other Roman muttered. “What the hell?”

“Umm, Lo, what is this?” Other Patton asked.

“Time travel?” The snake suggested.

“They look the same age as us, I must have aged well.” Roman remarked, Deceit rolled the one eye that was visible behind the mask.

Other Logan stuttered for a moment and then managed to compose himself, or appeared to at least, Logan knew himself well enough to recognize the uncertainty in his posture.

“What day is it?” He asked.

“The twenty ninth of october, 2020.” Logan answered.

“Same day.” The snake muttered.

“So not time travel.” Other Logan said.

Logan knew there were dots he should be connecting, theories he should be formulating that could explain  _ this.  _

But all his thoughts were occupied by the man standing just a few meters from him. Virgil, who was still looking at him like he was a threat. Virgil, who looked healthy and happy and  _ alive.  _

“So they’re us, or at least, they look like us and it isn’t time travel.” Virgil said, seemingly noticing the way all three of them were staring at him as he shifted awkwardly.

Patton made an aborted motion towards him. 

"Alternate universe?" Logan suggested.

The others seemed to become aware of their fascination with Virgil.

“Um, everything alright?” The other Roman asked, shifting so he was positioned in front of Virgil. Virgil glared at him and stepped sideways.

Logan almost laughed, the non verbal conversation the two had was so familiar. He had seen his Virgil and Roman do it so many times.

“Yeah, it’s just…” Patton tried to explain, his voice wavering, on the edge of tears.

The snake connected the dots first. “Where’s their Virgil?” He asked.

Roman’s breath hitched and Patton sobbed. Logan felt the ragged hole in his chest tear open even more as he stared at the other Virgil in front of him. Comprehension was slowly dawning on his face.

“Murdered.” Logan managed to say.

“Oh.” Other Patton gasped sympathetically.

Roman approached Virgil and the other Roman hesitated, making to stop him. Virgil shook his head and the other Roman stepped aside. Logan felt his feet carry him forward too, towards this mirage of their lost lover.

Virgil shifted awkwardly but let them approach. Roman took his hand and Virgil squeezed it.

“I’m sorry for your loss.” He whispered.

Roman just smiled tearfully. Virgil drew the three of them into a hug and for a moment, Logan let himself forget. Forget about the fact that they had buried Virgil years ago, that this version wasn’t theirs, that there was no way he would ever choose to stay with them.

He just savoured the feeling of those familiar arms around him. This was home.

They walked back over the rooftops together, an air of awkwardness over the group.

“It’s quiet.” Other Patton remarked.

“There’s a curfew in place, research has shown it reduces crime rates.” Logan explained.

“Research also shows enforced curfew has negative effects on the economy and psychological welfare and increases traffic, not to mention the ethical implications of constraining peoples’ freedom.” The other Logan countered and Logan cursed himself for being such a smartass. 

“Well, we judged the pros and cons and judged that the curfew would be beneficial despite the drawbacks.” 

“It really helped lower the crime rates. Look how peaceful the city is.” Patton chimed in.

“It’s disconcerting.” Deceit remarked.

“Yes, imagine that, no crime in the city, that must be a nightmare for you.” Roman said snidely.

The snake drew up his shoulders and turned away from them. Other Patton’s face hardened.

“He’s not a criminal anymore.” He snapped.

“Leave it, Pat.” Deceit admonished.

“No. Maybe in your universe it’s different, but you guys need to know that in ours, he’s a part of our family.”

“You just let a villain be part of the team?” Patton asked.

“He proved his trustworthiness.” Other Logan said.

“And he’s a good friend.” Virgil said, looking at him fondly. 

Deceit shouldered him. “Sap.” He muttered.

Logan felt a flame of jealousy burn in his gut. Looking at Roman, he saw he felt the same. 

“So I gather my counterpart didn’t really do much to land himself in your good graces, judging by the way you look at me.” The snake remarked.

“He’s dead.” Patton reported lightly.

Logan took a small pleasure in the shock on the villain's face.

They made it home and got their counterparts settled, watching with disappointment as Virgil disappeared into their room. 

~

Patton stared in horror at the file laid out in front of him.

“No.” He protested weakly, trying to find an explanation that wasn’t  _ this _ .

Janus turned away from the file and leant against the table.

“The file is pretty solid evidence, I don’t know why they would fake that.” Logan said, looking at him pityingly.

“They,  _ we _ wouldn’t do that.” Patton said.

“They’re not us.” Roman protested vehemently.

Logan just sighed.

“I wish I could be so certain of that. Yes, their actions horrify me, but you have to remember that they lost their lover in a very traumatic way. Try to put yourself in their shoes, how would you react if you lost Virgil?”

“I wouldn’t do that.” Patton protested, but he knew how weak it sounded. 

He tried to imagine Virgil dying the way the others had described. Tried to imagine the grief, the anger they must have felt. The pain felt worryingly familiar. He found he had almost no trouble placing himself in their shoes. 

He stared at the picture of Janus, the other Janus, splayed out on the ground, a dark puddle of blood around him, his eyes open and accusing.

In one day, he had found out about the death of two of his lovers, one at the hands of himself. And he knew they weren’t the same people, he knew it was a different universe, but it still made him feel sick and angry. 

Was he truly capable of such horrendous acts?

“Janus, you know I’d never do that, right?” He begged.

Janus smiled weakly at him.

“Not in our universe, mon amour.” He consoled, drawing Patton against his chest.

“We can’t let them continue with this.” Virgil spoke up for the first time.

“What should we do?” Roman asked.

“We take them down, the way we’ve taken down so many villains over the years. They’re not much better.” 

~

Virgil sat on the roof, watching the quiet city from above. He thought about his less fortunate counterpart. He tried to imagine what it would feel like, to lose one of his lovers. It didn’t excuse their actions, he told himself. But maybe it explained them, another part of his brain whispered. 

The entrance to the roof opened and Other Patton sat down on the roof next to him. Virgil tensed. 

“Hi.” Patton said, his voice wavering and his eyes glistening with tears.

They sat in tense silence for a while. Virgil tried to ignore the quickening breaths coming from the other and the soft sobs.

Eventually, he cracked.

“Patton…” He said gently, turning towards him.

Patton choked on a sob as he looked up at him.

“I’m sorry, I just miss you so much. Well, not you you, the other you, our you.” Patton babbled.

“And you look so much like him and it just…” He sobbed.

“There’s just so many things I wish I could tell him.”

Virgil stared into those bright blue eyes, spilling tears. Those eyes he looked at every morning, that sparkled with joy whenever he made a pun. And he looked at the unmeasurable grief in them. And that was  _ his  _ Patton, staring into his soul, not this dark twisted version.

He wrapped him up into his arms.

“It’s okay, just tell me… Tell me all the things you want to tell him.”

“I… I want to tell him that I’m sorry, I’m sorry for not being there in time, we should have saved him and we were too late. And I want to tell him I love him so, so much. And I want to tell you that I love your laugh and your dimples and your grumpy morning face and… Oh god, I’m so sorry.” He was shaking all over from the force of his sobs.

“Hey, it’s okay.” Virgil tried to console him desperately. 

He had no idea what to do. He was torn between sympathy and revulsion. The thought that his lovers could commit acts like that was horrifying. The fact that they did it for him doubly so. 

He knew these people weren’t his lovers but beside the fact that he had died, he hadn’t found any notable differences between their timeline and his. Logan had said it was fruitless research but Virgil had to know. He had hoped there would be something, some big past event or even a small change that set these monsters apart from the people he knew.

He settled for drawing the other Patton in closer, resting his head on his curly hair.

“It’ll be okay.” He murmured, hoping he was right.

~

In the end, it was almost laughably easy.

Janus and Roman went into the city. With their talents for convincing and theatrics, and the general resentment the citizens harboured for their heroes, they managed to gather a sizable army of insurgents. 

Logan and Patton worked on coordinating the plan and laying the traps. And Virgil led them in.

The other heroes were suspicious of their counterparts, jealous of the fact that they hadn’t had to suffer the same loss and they seemed to notice the revulsion the heroes had to the way they had taken care of the villains in the city.

But they trusted Virgil blindly. Despite the knowledge he wasn’t their Virgil, they couldn’t help but latch onto him.

The insurgents dismantled the cameras and surveillance systems the heroes had installed. 

Virgil brought the others news of a disturbance in a warehouse and they followed him blindly into the traps laid by Logan and Patton.

“It’s over.” Virgil said, looking at the three handcuffed on the floor.

“No, it’s not.” Other Roman snarled. He looked to the others for support. Patton looked away, ashamed. Logan was just staring at the opposite wall, his expression neutral.

“Janus and Roman broke through the barriers around the city. The outside world has been alerted and a specialised force to incarcerate you is underway.” Virgil’s Logan reported.

“We’ve done nothing wrong. We saved this city, you can’t lock us up for that.” Roman said.

“You’re going to prison for at least five counts of murder for each of you, and a whole other laundry list of crimes.” Patton countered. He couldn’t believe that even now, they didn’t see the wrong in their actions.

The heroes watched from the rooftops as their counterparts were led into the van, under the watchful eye of the insurgents who had taken back the city with their help. 

“Well, this was fun.” Janus muttered.

Patton shuddered, he didn’t think he would ever be able to get the image of his dead boyfriends out of his mind.

Logan was quiet. He had dreamed of getting his revenge on Remus for years, but was this what it would inevitably lead to? He had always thought he was a good person, maybe not as compassionate and altruistic as the others, but definitely not a cold blooded murderer.

“Let’s never do this again.” Virgil said, his eyes still trained on the van.

“Yeah, good idea.” Roman muttered, his eyes just the slightest bit teary.

They drew closer together, hands finding hands and finding comfort in the solid warmth of their family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is to balance all the fluff from the last chapter :)
> 
> Also, sorry this took so long, i had writer's block and school was kicking my butt. If the pacing seems a bit weird at times, I'm sorry, I just really wanted to post this chapter.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed, sorry for the angst <3


	8. Forget-me-nots

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: major character death, suicidal thoughts I guess? (more info in end notes), mentions of injury, explosions, minor original characters 
> 
> Relationship: romantic DLAMP
> 
> Song is Elsa's song by The Amazing Devil. I highly recommend you go listen to it, not only because it's an amazing song but also because it plays a big part in this chapter.
> 
> I know I promised next chapter would be less angsty but then I listened to this song and typed out the entire chapter in two days. So...sorry?

Patton felt his chest squeeze tight when the message came in.

“Suspected bomb in the university, time to ignition unknown.” Aisha’s voice reported. 

“Who’s closest?” Virgil asked.

“Pathos, but he’ll need assistance, the unseen have blocked all the ways out and there’s loads of civilians trapped there.” He heard the tapping of keys and assumed Aisha was coming up with a battle plan.

“Okay, Prince, Storm, you guys head over there, engage the unseen. Deceit and Vortex, you head over once you’re done and help get the civilians out. Pat, I need you to get into the uni and disable the bomb.”

Patton swallowed nervously. “Me? Wouldn’t Logos be better?”

“Ideally, yes. But he’s engaged at the other end of the city, the unseen are literally everywhere.” Aisha groaned in frustration.

Patton felt like echoing that groan. He really wasn’t qualified for this, he wasn’t very good at technology, that was Logan and Aisha’s area and he didn’t have the nerves of steel required to calmly defuse a bomb. He was really just the sniper of the group. He hoped he wouldn’t mess up this job too badly.

_ I can hear the cannons calling  _

_ As though across a dream _

He stared at university, where members of the unseen were walking around, herding students into the central building.

“What is their plan?” He asked aloud, mostly just to get the question off his chest. With the unseen, it was almost always impossible to know what their plan was, sometimes it wasn’t even clear after the fact.

“I have no clue.” Aisha confirmed his musings. 

“Okay, there’s a sky light you can use to get in undetected. I think the bomb is in the library, so you’ll have to get there without being discovered.”

Patton looked at the map Aisha had sent him. The skylight was two floors above the library.

“Is there no way directly into the library?”

“There’s three doors, one of which is unguarded and accessible through the only other unguarded point, the sky light.” Aisha explained impatiently “So, no. There’s no other way in.”

“Alright, I was just asking.” Patton tried to defuse. He wasn’t hurt by Aisha snapping at him. The situation over the whole city was tense, with the unseen somehow managing to hold three different areas at once. The whole team had been working non stop to take back control of the city, and everyone was tired.

_ And I can smell the smoke of hell  _

_ In every stitch and seam _

He hesitated a moment.

“Pathos?” Aisha prompted.

“Yeah, sorry, just nervous about the bomb thing.”

“Hey, don’t worry about that, I’ll be here to guide you.”

Patton felt a bit foolish being comforted by a teen who was about ten years younger than him. He shouldn’t be placing that burden on her, he was the experienced one, he was the mentor, he shouldn’t be relying on her for comfort. Regardless, he felt steadied by the knowledge Aisha would tell him what to do and quietly headed in.    
  


_And like flowers, the bodies tumble_

_ Around this muddied lot  _

He stared in horror at the device in front of him. He had seen and defused bombs before, but this didn’t even look remotely close to anything he was used to.

“Um, A?” He asked, sending a scan to her.

“Oh, wow.” She gasped “Okay, well uhm… That’s not ideal.”

“Not ideal? I think this is a little more than just not ideal.”

“Yeah, hold on, I’m working on it.”

“What do I do? We need to get the civilians out.”

“Prince and Storm are nearby, they’ll start evacuating, I need you to stay here and be my hands.”

“Okay.”

He heard Aisha frantically tapping at the keyboard and occasionally she would ask him to send pictures or scans of a specific area.

“Sure you can’t find a countdown anywhere?” She asked for the fifth time.

“No.” Patton sighed.

The lack of a countdown was unnerving him. While a clock slowly ticking towards your doom wasn’t exactly reassuring, it was better than sitting next to an explosive with no idea when it could go off. 

Noise echoed from somewhere on the campus: gunshots and screaming.

“A? What’s going on?” He asked, shooting upright.

“We’re here.” Roman’s voice declared triumphantly, then cut off with a yell.

“Prince, you alright there, kiddo?” Patton asked, vaguely worried.

“He’s fine, just needs to pay attention more.” Virgil sighed.

“Pat, look at that red wire for me please.” Aisha cut in.

“Will you be okay?” Virgil asked.

_ No, I don’t know what I’m doing, I’m nervous, I’m really not qualified for this _ Patton thought. But he just brushed Virgil off, they’d been doing this for years, he could handle this. He had to handle this, the others were counting on him.

_I cannot hear them scream_

_ ‘Forget me not.’  _

What felt like hours later, but in reality was probably closer to half an hour, they still hadn’t gotten it. Aisha was groaning in frustration and cursing her wheelchair.

“If I could be there in person, I would have solved it already.” She griped.

Patton tried not to flinch at the reminder of his uselessness, she probably wished it was Logan in this room, not him.

Janus and Kiara had arrived by now and the evacuation was in full swing. The fighting had stopped abruptly a few minutes ago, when all members of the unseen had mysteriously fled. That really wasn’t helping Patton’s confidence.

_ Your voice it carries over _

_ The hubbub and the hum  _

“Are you guys getting anywhere?” Janus asked.

“No, I can’t figure it out, I’ve never seen anything like it.” Aisha answered.

“Well, you better hurry, the evacuation isn’t going as smoothly as we would like, it might take a while longer.”

“You guys be careful, be ready to get out of there if we can’t disable it.” Patton said.

“We’ll be safe, love, but what about you?” Janus asked.

Patton ignored that question, clicking his comms off and focusing on the bomb again. There were too many civilians still in the building, he couldn’t leave till he knew the bomb wasn’t a danger anymore or everyone was a safe distance away.

_And it paints the sky and circles high_

_ Like the beating of a drum _

“Pat, you might have to consider leaving. We have no idea when it can go off and we might not figure it out in time.” Aisha said.

“There’s still too many people here, we have to keep trying.”

He wasn’t leaving yet, he had to help these people. If he stopped now, how many lives would that cost? It was his job as a hero to save them, even if it cost him his life. It wasn’t like he mattered that much anyways. He had no special skills, the team wouldn’t even have to find a replacement.

“Pat, please, it’s been almost an hour. It isn’t safe anymore, you have to come out.” Virgil pleaded.

Patton stubbornly ignored their comments, snapping at Aisha to stop worrying and stay focused. They were nearly there, they had to be.

_You will scream ‘I won’t forget you’_

_ But I’ll cover my cold ears _

“Patton, how many times have I told you it’s okay to put yourself first. You’re not going to save anyone by letting yourself get blown up. Please just listen to us and get out of there.” Janus pleaded.

Patton groaned in frustration. “This wouldn’t have happened if it was anyone else. I just can’t figure it out, I’m useless.”

“Nonsense.” Logan snapped, presumably following the conversation from where he was making his way over to them. “From the description A gave, I doubt even I would have been able to figure it out. It’s not your fault.” He finished gently.

Patton got up, feeling miserable and useless. How many people was he leaving here to die? But they were right, he wasn’t doing anyone any good staying here.

“I’m coming out.” He announced.

Everyone breathed a sigh of relief.

“I thought you did that years ago.” Roman joked. “I mean, you are dating four guys.”

Patton chuckled, then whirled around in horror as the bomb started beeping behind him.

“Aisha?” He asked, panicked. 

“Shit! Run!” She yelled and in that moment, Patton knew he was done for. 

“I love you guys.” He breathed and could hear various yells in the earpiece before the world exploded in fire and pain.

_It cannot be a lie_

_ If no-one hears. _

~

Patton watched miserably as Roman gently cut away Logan’s sleeve. Janus sat perched on the counter, watching them intently. Logan followed Roman’s movements, his eyes blurry with pain. Patton felt his chest squeeze when Logan bit back a groan at Roman jostling his arm. 

“Sorry.” He muttered “Painkillers haven’t kicked in yet?” 

Logan just shook his head.

Patton curled his fingers around the chair in guilt. It was his fault. He should have paid attention, should have been faster. 

A roar from the entrance snapped him out of his thoughts. Virgil kicked the bike stand down and strode over to them, his hair mussed from the helmet.

“What happened?” He asked, focused and direct as always.

“Acid, Logan got burns all over his arm.” Janus explained.

“It was my fault, I should have paid attention, I should have stopped it.” Patton said miserably, then curled in on himself when all eyes turned to him. Now he was just being whiny. They all knew it was his fault, pointing it out like that just sounded self pitying. 

Of course, Janus immediately started to refute it. They always made an effort to make him feel better, it was sweet. He just wished he was worthy of their praise.

“Patton, you know it’s not your fault, right?” He started gently.

Logan hissed suddenly.

“Can you watch out with that?” He snapped at Roman.

“Well, sorry I’m trying to save your arm, microsoft nerd. I can also just leave it like that!”

Janus sighed as Roman waved him over to help. Patton breathed a sigh of relief at that topic of conversation being over. Only Virgil hadn’t let it go yet. 

He sat down on the armrest of Patton’s chair. 

“You okay?” He asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” He brushed off.

_Cos although you say good day to me_

_ I know I don’t belong _

Virgil clearly didn’t believe him and took his hand. “It’s not your fault, Pat. We can’t always see everything coming.”

“Right, because if it had been you or Janus then you definitely wouldn’t have seen such an obvious trap coming.” Patton laughed bitterly.

“There’s no guarantee we would have. Even we fuck up occasionally.”

“Language.” Virgil rolled his eyes.

“And we have years more training, it's not fair to put yourself down like that.”

Right, because even after years of being a hero, they were still making excuses for him. He still wasn’t good enough, fast enough, smart enough. Everyone in the team had their specialty, Virgil was their best fighter, Logan was smart, Roman was their medical expert and Janus was their former crime boss. They were all good at something, and where did that leave him? 

He could shoot, yeah. But who needed that when Virgil could just kick all their asses by hand, when Janus and Logan could set up elaborate schemes that didn’t even require any kicking of ass to get the criminals in jail?

_ And although you hold my hand and say  _

_‘I love you’, you are wrong._

Patton was on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. He should go downstairs, join the others. He could hear their chatter all the way up in the bedroom. 

The mood had lifted a bit after Roman had declared the burns on Logan’s arm weren’t that serious and they were having their customary ‘someone got hurt comfort dinner’. 

Patton didn’t really feel motivated to join.

_Because love does not exist here_

_ In this garden there’s no feeling _

The door opened and Logan popped his head around the corner.

“Oh, hey Lo.” Patton tried cheerfully, but it came out sounding a bit shaky.

Logan smiled gently. “May I come in?”

“Course, it’s your bedroom too.”

“Are you alright?” He asked. 

Patton felt like sighing at those familiar words. He’d heard them so many times tonight and the nights before that. Always that concern for him, their weakest member. Even though he didn’t really deserve it, even though most of the time it was his fault. 

_And you say the words so often_

_ That I barely know the meaning _

“I’m fine.” He groaned “Why do you guys keep asking?”

“Because we’re worried about you.”

“Me? You’re the one who’s hurt.”

“Roman said I would be fine, the physical wounds will heal. I’m just worried about the mental ones.”

“What? Mental wounds, I’m fine Logan. It really isn’t that serious.” Patton laughed.

“It’s not the first time you’ve blamed yourself without any cause for it. I just want to make sure you’re aware it wasn’t your fault.” 

“I’m aware.” Patton said. Did he really believe himself though? It always felt like empty reassurances when they told him he wasn’t at fault.

He wanted to believe his lovers wouldn’t lie to him, but they were all just so kind. They wouldn’t want him to feel guilty, even if that meant they had to lie. He wondered why they still let him come along. He just got in the way.

_And when all the flowers are rotten_

_ And all the cannons shot  _

“Will you come downstairs and join us?” Logan asked.

“Yeah, give me a minute, I’m coming.

_I’ll scream, but you won’t hear_

_ ‘Forget me not’  _

~

In the end, ten people still died. Figures, even in death Patton had failed. Even then he hadn’t been able to save them. Maybe it was better, at least now, he wouldn’t be able to mess things up anymore.

His family didn’t take it well, of course they didn’t. They always cared too much, even about him.

_ And in years to come you’ll wander _

_ To the place up on our hill _

He wished he could hold them, just one last time. Tell them ‘it’s alright, don’t mourn, you’ll be alright’.

He watched as the Rewind team, the teens they mentored, fought with more vigour than ever before. They took the job of the grieving heroes, of him, and carried them out with a sense of honour. He felt proud, looking at them. They were so much more than he had ever been, they would lead this city towards a better future.

Aisha visited his grave, drove her car all the way up country and rolled her wheelchair along the muddy path to the spot they had buried him. It was near his family home, where his mothers could visit frequently, where he was surrounded by the familiar forests.

She cried for a while, apologized, said she should have figured it out faster. He wished he could tell her it wasn’t her fault. She had tried so hard, she was just a child, she couldn’t always save everyone.

_ And then you’ll cry to our painted sky _

_ ‘I loved her then, I love her still’. _

The others visited too, Logan quiet, reserved, emotionless. Patton ached for him. He had lost so much in his life. It wasn’t fair that Patton had taken this away from him too. 

_ And you’ll strew some sage and lilies , _

Roman, his tears and anger burning as hot as his love once had. He still went out to the streets, despite Janus’s urging not to. His anger needed a way out. Patton was scared for him. He would let his rage burn him up over this grief.

_ And roses where I rot _

And Janus, sweet, caring Janus. He kept the family together, somehow. Bottled his grief up somewhere deep and drew his lovers into his arms. He only dropped the mask at Patton’s grave, surrounded only by the evergreens and spring meadows. Let the grief consume him for just a moment, cried till the pain that had curled itself up in his bones drowned him in her violent throes. And then he got up, gathered himself and walked back to the car. Now that Patton wasn’t there anymore, someone had to keep the team alive. Patton was grateful to him. 

_ Of all the flowers you picked, _

Virgil came last, after months of the others coming and going. He barely glanced at the grave. Just sat down a few meters away and stared out at the trees. 

“Why did you do that?” He asked the empty air, his voice filled with tears.

“Why did you leave us like that? It’s not fair. We were supposed to grow old together, get married.” His voice picked up in speed and volume, his breaths coming quicker.

“You said you were fine! You told me it was alright to place myself first, place our family first. Why couldn’t you do that? Why couldn’t you listen to your own damn advice and think of us for once?” 

‘I wanted to, god, I wanted to’ Patton wanted to tell him. He wished he had left the building sooner, wished his death hadn’t been so meaningless. He saw the pain he put his family through. Maybe he didn’t fully see his own worth, but he saw how much he meant to them. He wished he hadn’t taken so much from them.

_ I knew you would forget _

_ Forget-me-nots. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suicidal thoughts cw: Patton feels unworthy and like he's not a valuable part of the team, this leads to him putting himself in a dangerous situation. While he doesn't care about dying that much, he doesn't actively want to die and does try to remove himself from the dangerous situation.
> 
> The oc's are me and my brother's creations. They're all idiots and I love them with all my heart. 
> 
> Also, this chapter isn't part of the main storyline, so it isn't connected to the other chapters.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed <3


	9. To lie down and sleep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: bombs, being buried under rubble, claustrophobia, flash backs
> 
> Relationships: romantic moxiety, romantic LAMP
> 
> Chapter title is from Smother by daughter

Virgil swung down from the balcony to join his boyfriend in the museum hall. 

“Lo and Prince got everyone out. Have you found any sign of the bombs yet?” Patton asked him.

“No,” Virgil sighed “I’m halfway convinced it was just a joke.” 

“A joke that cost us our whole evening then.” Patton grumbled.

The comms crackled to life and Roman’s voice filtered through, sounding tired.

“You find anything?” He asked.

“Nope, we think it might just be a prank call.” Virgil replied.

“Really?” Roman exclaimed, “They think we have nothing better to do than evacuate museums? Some people have to work!” 

“Are you absolutely certain?” Logan asked, ignoring Roman’s grumbling.

“What, you don’t trust my assessment?” Virgil asked.

“Of course I do, we just don’t know who we’re dealing with.” Logan apologized.

“It’s alright, I was very thorough. Me and Pat will do one more sweep of the building and then we’ll head out.” 

“Kay, rendez-vous on the bank roof. We gotta go talk to the cops.” Roman said and they signed off.

Patton was checking under display cases for any sign of explosives.

“Why would you blow up a museum?” He griped. “Do they know how many priceless artifacts are here? Those heathens.”

Virgil smiled at his grumbling. They’d been meaning to visit the new exhibit in the museum for a while now. He guessed this was the universe's way of telling them to stop putting off all their fun outings. 

His eyes caught on a small discolouration wedged between a bench and the wall. It looked like a piece of chewing gum. His heart started beating faster. 

_ Shit _ . 

“Pat!” He called, just before a loud bang split the air. 

The building gave a great groan and the floor fell away underneath him.

Virgil’s head was ringing and his mouth tasted metallic. He pushed himself up with a grunt and then froze immediately when the rubble above him shifted dangerously. 

Well, that wasn’t good. 

“Pat?” He called out.

They had been near each other when the building came down. He had to be around here somewhere. If he hadn’t been buried under the rubble.

Virgil shook that thought away. Just breathe, he told himself. It would be alright. They had been in worse situations.

There was still no reply from Patton and Virgil risked moving again. Slower this time.

The stones creaked ominously but nothing came down as Virgil slowly dragged himself forward.

“Pat?” He called out again.

Finally, he had enough room to reach into his utility belt and pull out a flashlight. It wasn’t totally dark, which meant air was still coming in from somewhere, but it was dark enough he needed the flashlight.

The feeble beam of light lit up a small cavern that Virgil suspected had been created by a part of the roof coming down. He was lucky, if this part hadn’t landed the way it did, he probably would have been thoroughly buried under the rubble.

He shone the light through the small space, still no sign of Patton. Virgil was really getting worried now.

A soft whine broke the quiet. It was so faint, Virgil probably wouldn’t have heard it if the cavern hadn’t been so chillingly still.

“Patton!” He called and then immediately cringed. Right, code names. Logan had lectured him so many times on the importance of keeping a secret identity.

Whatever, he had more important things to worry about. The whine cut off and he heard someone call out indistinctly. 

“Hold on, I’m coming.” He yelled back and shuffled quickly to where he had heard the noise.

The beam of light only illuminated more rubble. 

“Shit.” He muttered, trying to shift the rubble. Patton must be somewhere behind it.

He managed to dig away some of the stones and finally his flashlight illuminated a splotch of dusty blue. Patton’s familiar mask blinked up at him.

“Hey.” He rasped.

“You’re okay.” Virgil gasped in relief.

“I think so.” Patton managed, sounding pained.

“Are you hurt?” Virgil’s hands fluttered around uselessly. He wanted to help him, but couldn’t figure out how. 

He couldn’t find any noticeable wounds on his partner, but that didn’t mean anything, seeing as most of his body was covered by rubble.

“I don’t know, my back hurts and I can’t really feel my legs.”

“Shit.” He cursed again.

“Language.” Patton groaned.

“That’s really not a priority now.” Virgil sighed.

“You should always watch your language, kiddo, it’s a sign of respect.”

He tried to think of what Roman had taught him. Crush syndrome was a thing right? Or was that only something you should be worried about after a few hours? And the fact that Patton couldn’t feel his legs was worrying too. At least there didn’t seem to be any major blood loss and Patton was still conscious and coherent. 

So spinal injury and crush syndrome were his most pressing worries. Treatment for both of those relied on not moving the victim and waiting for professional help.

Right, professional help, really accessible when you’re stuck under a few tons of rubble. He just had to hope Logan and Roman were working on reaching them as fast as possible.

“V? Stormcloud?” Patton called.

Virgil blinked, snapping out of his rapidly wheeling thoughts.

“There you are. What were you thinking about?” Patton asked.

“Just figuring out what to do. I don’t think I should move you.”

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure Roman gave us a lecture on that.”

Virgil tried to think. There must be something he can do right? He wished desperately that Roman was here, or even Logan, they would know what to do. Instead Patton was just stuck with him, who couldn’t do anything useful and now he was panicking and that was the least useful thing he could do right now but he just didn’t know how to help and it was so small and dark and cramped in here and he couldn’t help but be reminded of the mazes…

“Virgil!” Patton called, probably not for the first time.

Patton awkwardly reached the arm that was not trapped forward and grabbed his hand. 

“It’s okay. They’ll be coming soon, they’re probably working on a way to get to us right now. But you need to stay with me, okay? I can’t have you floating off like that.”

“Sorry, Pat. It just reminds me of…stuff.” He mumbled, feeling guilty. Patton was the one who was hurt here and yet he was the one being comforted.

Patton smiled at him, gentle and comforting. 

Suddenly, a noise echoed from above. Virgil shot up. “Hello?” He called out, his heart beating in his throat. 

It was quiet for a long, agonizing moment, but eventually the voice came back.

“Storm?” Logan’s voice called.

“Yeah! Yeah, we’re here!” He called back.

He heard Logan yell something to someone else, sounding relieved.

“Is Pat with you?” He called.

“Yeah, but he’s stuck under the rubble.” Virgil replied.

“The fire fighters are here, they’re working on getting you out. Does your comms unit still work?”

Virgil checked the device.

“Emergency beacon’s still online.”

“Ok, I’m going to try to locate your positions. Just stay there.”

“Yeah, I really don’t think we’re going anywhere.” Virgil sighed.

“Hold on, we’re working on making our way over to you. We have to be careful not to destabilize the structure.”

“Please don’t.”

Virgil sunk down next to Patton and ran his fingers through his hair.

“You know, being  _ berried  _ alive wasn’t in my planning for today.” Patton piped up, clearly intent on getting Virgil’s mind of the situation.

“Really? You’re going to make puns? Now?” Virgil sighed.

“Well, it’s quite a  _ grave  _ situation, I have to make light of it somehow.” 

He stared out at the rubble around him. It really didn’t look anything like the mazes. The mazes were all smooth walls and long hallways, not the dusty rubble and protruding beams this chamber was made up of. And yet, he couldn’t help looking for figures in the shadows. He curled his hands around the familiar daggers, measuring his breathing.

They weren’t here, there was no one in the shadows, they weren’t looking for him. The reminders felt ridiculously feeble in the face of that familiar darkness.

“V!” Patton yelled.

He startled upright and hit his head against some of the rubble.

“Ow.” He groaned, rubbing the spot.

“Sorry, you weren’t responding to me.” Patton apologized, not sounding very regretful.

“Is there anything that would help right now?” Patton asked, that familiar phrase they had started using years ago. When Virgil would have random freakouts, they had developed a system so Virgil could communicate what he needed. It meant he could ask for help without being pressured to talk about his past or feel guilty for telling someone to go away.

“Getting out of here.” Virgil sighed. There really wasn’t much else he could think of that would chase off the darkness and make him feel like he could breathe again.

“They’ll get us out of here as soon as possible, V. You just need to stay focused a little longer. How about this, do you want to talk about it or be distracted from it?” Another one of those familiar phrases.

Virgil thought about it. He had never really talked about the mazes with his partners, hadn’t wanted to burden them with that. They already fretted so much about his past.

“Distracted.” He would tell them, one day, but not now, not when he could almost feel the harsh sandstone floor under his bare feet again, when he could almost hear the soft rustling of things hidden in the dark.

“Ok.” Patton sighed.

“Remember when we went camping in the forest near my home that one time? When it was so warm we just slept outside and you could see the milky way?” He continued

Virgil felt a smile slip onto his face despite himself. It was one of the best memories he ever had. He hadn’t seen the stars so clearly since he left with his mother and definitely hadn’t had the time to appreciate them like that. The fact that he had a boyfriend who entertained them for hours with facts about stars and space helped considerably too. 

“And we went hiking the next day and Ro promptly sprained his ankle.”

Virgil snorted at the memory.

“He’s not made for the outdoor life.”

“No, he really isn’t. Somehow he manages to be graceful as a swan when dancing but he’ll trip over the tiniest rock.”

“We should go back sometime, take a break from all the superhero business.” Virgil sighed, the memories of flower meadows and campfires pushing back the damp chill of the cavern.

“Not now, I hope. It’s freezing.” 

“We can bundle up.” 

“You guys can go freeze your butts off, I’m not coming.” 

“I thought you basically grew up in the forest.”

“Yeah, which means I know exactly how cold it gets.”

“Can’t be as cold as the mountains.” Virgil remembered all too well the freezing treks they had been forced to make.

“Oh yeah, wanna bet?” 

“Mhmm… maybe not.”

“Yeah, maybe we should just wait for spring.”

“And this time we’re planning a hike that doesn’t have as many dangerous rocks for R to trip over.” 

“He’ll will be grateful.” Patton laughed.

“My patience will be grateful, I don’t think I can deal with him whining about being benched for a week again.”

“Oh and no marshmallows.” Virgil continued. “I don’t trust you with those anymore.”

“What? I didn’t do anything wrong, Lo started it.” Patton’s mock offence made Virgil giggle.

“He did not. You’re guilty and you know it.” 

Patton’s lips curled up in that signature, mischievous smirk. 

A loud bang resounded above them and all thoughts of flowers and hiking immediately fled. Virgil jumped up and crouched in a fighting position, his heart hammering, his eyes scanning the walls. 

“Storm?” Roman’s voice came, much closer than Logan had been previously.

“Yeah?” Patton called back while Virgil tried to swallow his panic. 

“Okay, we’re nearly there, just hold on a little longer.”

Patton glanced at Virgil, who had curled into himself, trying to measure his breathing.

“Just hurry.” He called back.

“V? Could you come here, sweetie?” Patton asked gently.

Virgil uncurled his frozen limbs and sank down next to Patton. Patton reached out awkwardly and grabbed his hand.

“I’m scared, Pat.” Virgil breathed out shakily.

“I know, we’re going to be alright. Just think about home. After this, we’ll all curl up on the couch together and Lo will make us hot cocoa and Ro will pick out some sappy disney movie.” He continued rambling. Conjuring images of a gentle evening with his lovers, like so many they’d had before. 

Finally, the stones to their right shifted and Roman looked in, his curls covered with dust. He beamed a smile at them.

“Hi, guys.” 

He slid in and turned his attention to Patton, but not before making eye contact with Virgil. The question was unspoken but clear, ‘are you alright?’ it asked.

Virgil nodded. He was going to be fine. There was more light in the cave now and it didn’t feel so enclosing, with a small window that let in the outside air.

Virgil moved away from Patton, giving Roman more space to work.

He turned towards the small window, where Logan appeared, heralded by a dark blue flash of his cape. He beckoned Virgil towards him.

“Let’s get out of here.” He murmured as he slotted his arms around Virgil.

Virgil buried his head into Logan’s neck. Safe, safe, safe, it resounded in his head. Those familiar arms around him, that comforting smell. 

Somehow, Logan must have gotten him out of that hole, because when he looked up again he could see a starry night sky. A little distance away, blue and red lights were flashing and people walked around, their voices echoing through the night.

“Five things you see.” Logan instructed.

Virgil swallowed the lingering panic and looked around.

“Uhm… Street lights, the yellow of the ambulances, a policeman smoking a cigarette, the stars, your ridiculous cape.”

“It’s not ridiculous, it’s practical.” Logan grumbled before continuing the exercise.

“Four things you feel.”

“The wind, my gloves, dust on my face and your hands on my arms.”

“Good, three things you hear.”

“Sirens, yelling in the distance, the wind in the leaves.”

When they finished the exercise, Virgil felt moderately calmer. His mind wasn’t rapidly flashing between the mazes and the cave they had been stuck in anymore.

He breathed in the cool night air, looked up at the few pinpricks of light that made it through the light pollution and city smog. Nothing like the view he had had of them back with his mother.

He nestled himself more securely into Logan’s arms. People had spotted them, were making their way over to them. Soon, he would have to get up, take control of the situation, explain everything, make sure Patton is alright, but for now, he was safe and for a moment he didn’t have to be strong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A moment of silence for all the priceless museum artifacts that perished in the making of this chapter.
> 
> Anyways, so this chapter has been in the works since I started writing this fic and I finally got around to finishing it. I'm not entirely happy with it but I wanted to post something before the exams start. I probably won't be posting for a while as I have a lot of studying to do but I'm active on Tumblr and answering asks if anyone wants to interact there.


	10. Carry on my wayward son

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: minor character death, violence, uh...I feel like I'm forgetting something but I'm too tired to remember right now.
> 
> Relationships: parental/familial anxceit, romantic LAMP
> 
> Chapter title is from carry on wayward son by Neoni (original by Kansas)

Virgil perched on the high beams of the warehouse, the shadows enveloping him. He peered out from the gloom to the table beneath him. Janus would be mad if he knew he was there but he really hadn’t been in the mood to just stay home again. He had been benched for a week now and was itching to do something. 

It wasn’t like he was endangering himself, he was just observing. He wouldn’t intervene unless it really got nasty.

A possibility that was getting more and more likely with each passing second. 

A group of assassins who had free reign over most of the world did not appreciate being told they had to obey the laws in this city. 

Virgil leaned forward, tensed for a fight. His healing ribs twinged painfully but he ignored them. He couldn’t afford to get distracted now. 

Three of the assassins shifted, turning their attention to the guards in the corner. He saw the one closest to Janus reach into their pocket. 

Janus had clearly noticed too. He reached under the table, where a gun was hidden and sent a subtle signal to his guards. A tense silence filled the room, as everyone waited for the other to make their move.

Virgil held his breath.

“I  _ must _ ask you to reconsider.” The leader tried one last time, their body already preparing for a fight.

“My terms are clear, either you obey the rules or you leave this city,” Janus explained.

That was the match that lit the fuse. Two assassins surged forward, engaging with Janus’s personal guards, the others engaged the gang members. Before Janus could even reach for his gun, Virgil had already dropped in front of him, blocking the strike the leader of the assassins had aimed at him. 

Virgil heard a sharp hiss from Janus behind him and knew he’d be in trouble later. For now, he ignored it, turning his attention to the assassin in front of him, who was aiming a strike at his torso. He dodged and sprang forward, trying to hit their head. They dodged easily and tried to sweep his feet out from under him. Only years of running over rain slick rooftops and training his balance kept him upright. He dodged two more blows aimed at his head and chest, slowly being driven backwards, towards the wall.

He realized he may have bitten off more than he could chew with this one. Virgil had never been much of a fighter, more suited to sneaking around in the dark than beating people up. The assassin’s fighting style was much more refined than anyone he had ever fought before. 

He really should have seen that coming. They did kill people for a living after all. 

Virgil managed to get a hit in on their shoulder and promptly received a kick to the stomach. His ribs protested violently and his vision went white for a second. 

The assassin saw their chance and surged forward, pinning him up against the wall, which was a lot closer than Virgil had originally thought. 

Virgil struggled violently, kicking and scratching at the person that held him. A flash of silver in the corner of his eye made him still for a fraction of a second. A knife, coming straight for him.

Well,  _ shit _ .

He really should listen to Janus more. 

A deafening bang split the air and the body that had been keeping him pinned against the wall slumped to the floor. Virgil wiped at the blood on his face, breathing shakily. 

_ That _ had been way too close.

He looked up to see Janus standing there, a gun pointed at the body on the floor. His eyes were filled with worry but when he looked up at Virgil he scowled. The message was clear:  _ you’re in trouble, young man. _

Virgil sighed and looked around. More guards had filtered into the room and most of the assassins had been taken care of. Clearly, Janus had foreseen this exact scenario and prepared accordingly. Of course he had.

Virgil shuffled away from the body and slipped away into the shadows, clumsily making his way up to the roof. He sunk down against a wall with a groan, wrapping his arms around his torso. He hoped his ribs weren’t broken again. They had taken way too long to heal in his opinion. 

Footsteps and the familiar tapping of Janus’s cane alerted him to his presence. He shifted slightly so Janus could sit down next to him. Janus stayed silent for a moment, letting the tension build. Virgil shifted nervously. 

“The rules are clear, Virgil. I may let you get away with a lot, but this is unacceptable. Unless I specifically tell you, you can’t just interfere like that. Not only for your own safety, but also the safety of others. You can assume I will always have a back up plan in place for situations like this. If you haven’t been instructed, then you are not a part of it. You’re lucky you didn’t mess anything up. Next time, doing something stupid like that might have great consequences.”

As always, Janus didn’t sound mad, just disappointed in him. Shame burned in Virgil’s throat. He tried so hard, but always made a mess of it. The only reason Janus kept him around was because he felt some weird sense of responsibility for him. Virgil yearned to prove he actually had a place in the business.

“This isn’t your job, V. I have body guards for this, I don’t need you to put your life on the line for me. You’re not a fighter, stick to the areas you’re skilled in.”

They sat in silence for a while, as the shame and guilt sunk in.

“Come here,” Janus eventually sighed.

Virgil burrowed into his arms, melting into the safe, warm feeling of his arms around him.

“I’m sorry,” He murmured.

“No you’re not,” Janus chuckled. He carded a hand through Virgil’s hair.

Virgil huffed. “No, I’m not.”

~

Virgil glared out at the rain for a long moment. Unfortunately, it did not get his message and kept pouring from the skies. Virgil regretted his choice of clothing. 

Janus had told him to wear a jacket but in that contrary fashion of his, Virgil had chosen to wear his hoodie, which was not, in any way, waterproof.

He sighed. Janus would definitely be holding this against him when he got home.

Someone else walked out the door and frowned at the rain, then he started rooting around in his backpack and produced an umbrella.

Virgil tried not to stare jealously. The boy seemed to notice him staring anyway and turned to him.

"Where do you have to go?" He asked.

"Sciences building," Virgil muttered.

"How fortunate, I have to be there too. If you want we can share my umbrella?" He offered.

Virgil was taken aback by the kind offer. He looked back at the pouring rain, torn between turning him down and seeming rude or accepting and probably having to suffer an incredibly awkward walk. 

Ah, what the hell, at least he wouldn’t get wet and maybe he’d make a new friend, something Janus was always bothering him about.

“Sure.” 

They walked out into the rain together and  _ wow _ , he had really underestimated how weird this would be. The umbrella was nowhere near big enough for him to keep his distance without getting wet, which meant he was awkwardly shuffling half a pace behind the guy, trying not to invade his personal space or bump into him. The guy raised an eyebrow at him but didn’t comment.

“What’s your name?” Virgil eventually asked to break the tension.

“Logan Takahashi. And you are?”

“Virgil Easifa.”

“Well, nice to meet you, Virgil. What do you study?”

“Psychology.”

“And you have to be in the applied sciences building?”

Virgil chuckled. “Scheduling issue, we’re technically not supposed to be there but they had nowhere else to stick us.”

“All right.” Logan looked pensive.

“What are you studying?”

“Astrophysics.” Logan said with a wry smile.

“Really? That’s so cool.”

“Well, technically I’m doing a bachelor in maths with a minor in physics right now but the plan is to continue in astrophysics.”

“Nice. Why astrophysics?”

“The universe is endlessly vast and complicated, there’s so much we still don’t know about it. I hope to discover something new. The stars have always fascinated me.”

“We know less about our oceans though,” Virgil pointed out because he just really liked annoying people.

“That’s ridiculous, how would you even compare the amount of knowledge? The universe is so much bigger than the oceans.” Logan kept ranting about how large and unknowable the universe was, nearly sending Virgil into an existential crisis. He walked Virgil all the way to his classroom, seemingly too wrapped up in what he was saying to think about where he was going.

Virgil appreciated that in him. He was happy to let Logan carry the conversation, it was entertaining to see how passionate he was about this subject.

“Well, this is my stop.” He said after a few seconds of standing at the door.

“Oh.” Logan looked vaguely perturbed by the loss of his conversation partner. 

“Right, I should be getting to class too.” He said and started walking away.

Virgil tapped his hand against his thighs, his nerves jumping up into his chest. This was a stupid idea, he probably didn’t even like him, he was just being nice… The thoughts rattled through his head. 

No, not today. He shook the thoughts away. He had to stop letting his anxiety get the best of him.

“Logan.” He called out.

Logan turned around from the end of the hallway.

“Yes?” He asked as Virgil walked up to him.

“Would you maybe want to hang out sometime? Get coffee or something?” Virgil asked, trying to ignore the sweat on his palms. He really hoped he wasn’t blushing too much.

Logan smiled, his lips quirking up in a soft genuine smile.

“Of course, I’m free on saturday if that works for you.”

“Yeah, sure” They made plans to meet up at the cosy campus cafe and then Virgil awkwardly slid into his seat for the lecture, a full ten minutes late.

~

Virgil and Logan soon became good friends. Logan had this unbothered way about him, he didn’t care what people thought, he was passionate and smart. He could spend hours debating the most inane things with Virgil. 

He met Logan’s boyfriends a soon after. Patton first, when they went to get pastries at the bakery he worked at. 

Virgil fell in love immediately. He was so sweet and lovely and bubbly and usually people like that could be overwhelming but Patton wasn’t too overbearing. He noticed that Virgil wasn’t too keen on sudden hugs and loud noises and tried his best to give him space. 

Roman was less of an instant match. If he hadn’t been Logan and Patton’s boyfriend, Virgil probably would have walked away the moment he saw him. He was loud and obnoxious and had no regard for boundaries or personal space.

Luckily, Logan was there to play mediator during their first meeting, meaning it didn’t devolve into a full blown argument. 

They hung out in the bakery a lot. Virgil felt a little guilty about eating all the free pastries Patton sneaked them, but he assured him it was fine. The boss, a marvelous old lady, didn’t mind in the slightest.

Today, Virgil and Patton were in the backroom of the bakery, Virgil was doing some assigned reading, trying his best to focus on the dense text while Patton fiddled around with the oven. 

Apparently, it had been making random beeping noises and they had yet to figure out why.

“I think we’ll need to find someone who actually knows how ovens work for this,” Patton sighed.

“Well, don’t look at me, I can barely turn one on.”

Patton looked pained at that comment.

“Kids these days,” He muttered.

“I’m older than you.”

A bang resounded and Virgil jumped up, his mind yelling  _ gunshot, danger, hide!  _ at him. His panic calmed mildly when he noticed it was just Roman who had slammed the door open.

“Don’t break the building down, princey,” he muttered venomously.

“Leave me alone, emo,” he bit back, as he slumped into a chair.

“Gladly.”

“Now, now, kiddos, let’s be nice to each other,” Patton intervened.

Virgil sighed.  _ Maybe if Roman would stop being so annoying  _ he thought childishly.

Roman’s petulant scowl told him he was thinking something similar. 

“Now, Roman, what’s got you so upset?” Patton asked, trying to diffuse the tension. 

“Deceit,” He snarled. Virgil tensed, immediately on edge.

“What about them?” He asked warily.

“ _ Five  _ patients we got today. Because that snake decided they needed more money and robbed a bank.” Roman got up and paced around, clearly seething.

Virgil curled up tighter in his chair, trying not to give anything away. He’d heard Janus talk about the bank heist yesterday. Virgil knew Janus wouldn’t hurt anyone who didn’t deserve it, or at least try his best to avoid it, but it wasn’t like he could just tell them that.

Roman probably had every right to be pissed at deceit and everything he stood for, but Virgil couldn’t deny it hurt a little to hear him spew venom about his dad like that.

It wasn’t the first time they had complained about the villains of this city. Virgil guessed it was to be expected. Everyone in this city had earned the right to complain about it’s villains. Life was hard enough here as it was, they just added a whole new level of bad.

Patton gently squeezed Roman’s shoulder.

“I know, it sucks, sweetie. It’s understandable that you’re upset.”

Roman pressed his head into Patton’s shoulder.

“I just wish there was a way to stop them. All of them. So that they can never hurt another innocent person.”

_ Hardly innocent  _ Virgil thought bitterly.

“ _ Hey,”  _ Patton took Roman’s head in his hands, forcing him to look him in the eyes. “Someone will get them one day. For now, we just have to keep doing our best to help others.”

Virgil tried his best not to feel like an intruder. This conversation wasn’t one meant for his ears.

~

Janus opened Virgil’s door and strode in without knocking, as he often did.

“Dad,” Virgil whined.

Janus froze for a moment, the title catching him off guard. Virgil smiled. That's what he got for not knocking.

Janus sighed when he saw Virgil’s smirk.

“I have a job for you,” He said, electing to ignore Virgil’s attempt at troublemaking.

Virgil tried not to look too intrigued. Janus rarely came to him in person to discuss business, generally just leaving the files on his desk. He argued it was to keep work and home separate and to retain some modicum of professionality. 

“I’m sure you’ve heard of the new heroes that have popped up,” Janus continued.

“I’m not living under a rock,” Virgil sighed “Do you want me to get rid of them?”

The thought excited Virgil. A job like that would be huge. Janus generally just sent him out to spy or steal something, never to get rid of enemies. He yearned to do something more interesting and useful.

Janus sat down on Vigil’s bed, stretching out his legs.

“No, not yet. For now, I want you to shadow them. Find out as much as you can. Their names, where they live, their plans, their favourite food if need be.”

“Why would we need that? They’re not that good, we could just eliminate them now, without the preamble.” 

“That’s the thing, we don’t need to be rid of them quite yet. In a way, they’re actually quite useful.”

Virgil leant forward. “How?”

“The small gangs, the ones that keep popping up and making a nuisance of themselves, they’re quite skilled at getting rid of them efficiently. It saves us the bother of doing all that work. And the big players, the ones we can’t touch because it would incite some bullshit blood feud or break some criminal code, well, they don’t play by those rules.”

“So they do our dirty work  _ and _ act as a buffer? That’s not half bad.”

“Exactly,” Janus sounded smug “the more we know about them, the easier it will be to steer them into the direction we need. If we do this right, those heroes will be our best employees yet, and we won’t even have to pay them.”

“You’ll just make me spend countless nights out in the cold and rain,” Virgil complained, but he couldn’t help but feel a thrill of excitement. Finally, he was getting the chance to do something worthwhile, something important.

~

It was easy enough to shadow them. The heroes were smart but not nearly as skilled as him. Virgil had spent his first ten years surviving in the shadows. The streets weren’t kind unless you had something to protect yourself. 

For some it was strength or influence, for Virgil, it was his propensity for sneaking into tight spaces and hiding in the shadows.

It had made him the perfect little thief. Which Janus had obviously recognized.

The first few days were just following patrol routes, listening in on their conversations, analyzing their fighting styles. It was easy enough.

But the real shock came on the fourth day. Virgil was tired after a long night and the heroes were too. Eventually, after the fifth round through the city, they all headed home towards the same place and Virgil followed. The previous nights he had been called home before the heroes had ended their patrol but now he would finally find out where they lived and maybe even who they were. 

He stalked them to the edge of the city centre, near a building where a lot of students rented rooms. He watched as they stopped at a small side entrance. 

Virgil frowned. This was the building where Logan, Roman and Patton stayed. One of the heroes took off their mask before Virgil had the chance to think on it further and he had to try not to gasp out loud. 

Roman stood there, surrounded by garbage bins and discarded boxes, his hair misted with water droplets. He beamed at the others and they took their masks off too.

They were Patton and Logan, of course they were. It was just his luck that he had managed to make friends with the people he was supposed to be spying on.

He turned away, better to leave before they saw him.

He collapsed on a rooftop a few blocks away, staring at the few stars that peeked through the thick cloud layer.

_ What now? _

Did he tell Janus? He would surely order him to use his friendship, to manipulate them. And as much as Virgil loved his dad, he didn’t want to ruin something so special to him.

He got up and started walking home. He wouldn’t say anything. Not tonight, not yet.

~

He stared down from the rafters, in an eerily similar position as a few months before. Except now, the enemies weren’t some stubborn assassins, but his own friends.

“You’ve gone too far, deceit,” Roman snarled.

“I'm not sure I know what you’re talking about,” Janus replied, eyes calmly meeting Roman’s.

Their voices echoed through the empty warehouse.

“Elly Bernard, you  _ killed _ them,” Logan snarled.

“They weren't who you think they were,” Janus replied smoothly.

Virgil swallowed, Elly Bernard had been a friend of them, he couldn’t believe they deserved that. Janus wouldn’t just kill someone for no reason, would he?

“We know exactly who they were, and they didn’t deserve that,” Patton said, his voice trembling with emotion. 

Virgil wished he didn’t believe him, wished he could believe his father would never hurt someone innocent.

“You’re going to pay for this,  _ snake _ ,” Logan hissed, his voice full of malice.

Virgil breathed in, steadying himself. He needed to act now, he needed to pick as side.

Roman moved forward and Janus stepped back, his hand going towards the gun hidden in his cloak.

Virgil jumped forward and landed squarely between them, facing his friends, though if he could still call them that, he wasn’t sure.

“Enough.” He said, hoping his voice didn’t sound as unsteady as he felt.

Roman stepped back, surprised.

“Virgil?” Patton asked.

“Leave him alone,” Virgil said, trying to ignore the erratic thumping of his heart.

“Don’t you know what he’s done? He’s hurt people, killed people,Virgil. You can’t possibly be protecting him,” Logan exclaimed.

“I’m protecting him, because he’s my dad,” Virgil waited as that bombshell dropped. Logan’s eyes widened comically and Patton gasped. 

Virgil continued. “He raised me, all the bad things he’s done, I’ve done too. So if you’re going to condemn him, you’ll have to condemn me too.” That wasn’t entirely true, Janus had kept him away from most of the ugly stuff, generally just ordering him to break into places. He pretended it wasn’t because he was an overprotective dad.

“Virgil,” Janus said sharply.

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Patton asked. 

“Yeah, that would have gone down well. ‘Hey guys, you know the crime lord you hate, well he’s my dad’.”

“He must’ve manipulated you or something. Forced you into doing bad stuff,” Roman tried to protest. Virgil gave him a tired stare.

“No, he saved me. I was living on the streets before that. He gave me a home, a safe place to sleep, a family. He didn’t force me to do anything, I wanted to help!”

Janus grabbed his shoulder, clearly trying to say something, twist the conversation in his favour. Virgil held up a hand, telling him to stay quiet. 

He knew them better than Janus, if either of them had a chance to talk their way out of this, it was him. Janus, for once, listened.

“Virgil, this is wrong!” Patton exclaimed.

“And what are you going to do? Beat me up, throw me in prison? I love you, but I’m not throwing away my family and principles for you,” Virgil breathed heavily, feeling like he’d torn his heart out and thrown it on that cold, concrete floor. There it was, out in the open, laid bare for all of them to see.  _ I love you. _

“Do you mean that?” Roman asked, something tremulous and hopeful in his voice.

Virgil didn’t hesitate. “Yes.”

The others looked at each other, helplessly. Janus curled his fingers tighter into Virgil’s shoulder, steadying him. Virgil was abruptly grateful he was here.

“I love you too, Virge,” Patton whispered.

“I love you,” Roman said.

They all looked at Logan, who was biting his lip, his expression torn.

“Me too, Virgil,” He eventually whispered.

Virgil swallowed around the butterflies fluttering in his chest. Suddenly, the cold, dreary warehouse felt so much brighter and warmer. Maybe, this could still work.

“As much as I hate to break up this heartwarming display,” Janus drawled.

“Dad!” Virgil snapped, having nearly forgotten he was there, despite the heavy hand on his shoulder.

Janus fixed him with a serious look.

“The longer we hang out here with your boyfriends, the more trouble we and they could get in. We need to get moving.”

He was probably right. This warehouse wasn’t the most secure place and Janus’s henchmen would start searching for him if he dropped off the map for too long.

He turned to the heroes, feeling the combined weight of their gazes pressing down on his shoulders.  _ Could they really stay friends after this? Even if they loved him, they were heroes and he was the very type of person they had pledged to fight. _

“I’m sorry,” He told them. 

“Virge...please stay,” Roman begged.

“You don’t have to follow him,” Logan said again. 

Virgil turned away. He loved them, he really did. But if it came down to choosing between them and his father?

Janus wrapped a firm hand around his arm as they left the warehouse.

_ He knew who he would choose. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this chapter is a bit all over the place, I've been working on a new fic so this one has been put on the backburner a little. I'll hopefully get a short chapter done by new year and post that together with the other short chapters I posted on Tumblr already, but I can't make any promises.
> 
> Anyways, thank you for reading <3 I hope that all those who celebrate have a nice Christmas and all those who don't just have a great day.


	11. And you know I'll be back home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These are three shorter parts I wrote for Tumblr, I decided to post them as one large chapter here. 
> 
> The first part was suggested to my be the amazing MizzMarvel, it isn't exactly what you suggested,but I hope you enjoy <3 As always, thank you for your lovely suggestions.
> 
> CW's for this chapter: Part 1: child abandonment, homelessness, Pairings: romantic/platonic DLAMP, romantic anxceit  
> Part 2: chronic pain, Pairings: romantic/platonic DLAMP  
> Part 3: none, Pairing: prinxiety  
> (also, part 2 deals with chronic pain, which is not something I personally have experience with, so feel free to point out any mistakes I made in my portrayal.)
> 
> Chapter title is from (No One Knows Me) Like the Piano by Sampha

Janus ignored the urge to straighten his bowtie before walking up the small path that led to the house. As much as he wished he could make some final adjustments to his look, his hands were currently full, with flowers on one side and his cane on the other. He figured dropping either to fiddle with his bowtie would be a rather ridiculous look.

It would be fine, he told himself. It was just a small celebration at their house, it didn't matter how he looked. They loved him, they wouldn’t judge him.

And oh, those words.  _ They loved him. _

The thought made him simultaneously want to leap with happiness and run for the hills as fast as he could. It was so terrifyingly new and at the same time it felt so comfortably familiar. The phone calls that lasted way longer than they should. The bad days when all of them came over and baked him bread. The banter over the comms when he was too tired to join in on patrol.  _ They loved him. _

A raven haired head popping itself out the door distracted him from his brooding.

“Dude, are you just gonna spend the whole evening standing in our garden or are you gonna come in?” Virgil asked.

“I was just admiring the flowers,” Janus drawled.

Virgil raised a disbelieving eyebrow.

“Come in, everyone’s waiting for you.”

He stepped inside and handed Virgil the flowers.

“Aww, are those for us? How sweet,” Virgil cooed.

Janus definitely didn’t blush. “It’s polite.”

“It’s  _ romantic _ ,” Virgil teased.

“Virgil,” Janus sighed, trying to sound exasperated but only managing to sound fond.

“Alright, alright, I’ll stop. Come on, I need to start frying the gulab jamun.”

“You’re making gulab jamun?” Janus asked, pleasantly surprised. They were apparently a famed treat in this household.

“Yeah,” Virgil stopped when he walked into Roman.

“And  _ now _ he shows up,” Virgil snarked “Here, go put these in a vase, I have dessert to attend to.” He shoved the flowers into Roman’s hands and quickly disappeared into the kitchen.

Roman beamed at Janus. 

“Hello darling,” He purred “You look absolutely stunning.”

“You are not allowed to use that nickname, it’s mine, I licensed it,” Janus protested.

“Oh, but I just love the way it flusters you,  _ darling.” _

Janus could feel the heat creeping all the way from under his collar up to his cheeks. Roman was definitely getting back at him for all the times Janus had flustered him in costume.

“Roman, stop,” Janus sighed as he gently pushed his shoulder.

Roman just chuckled and led him into the living room, where Logan was arranging some snacks.

“Guess who arrived!” Roman announced to the entire house.

Logan looked over and smiled brightly.

“Hello Janus, you look good.”

“As do you,” Janus complimented as he walked over to shake his hand. Logan ignored the proffered hand and pulled him into a hug.

_ Well, okay.  _ He hadn’t seen that one coming.

Of all four of them, Logan was the least keen on physical contact. Patton and Roman were always going in for surprise hugs and even Virgil would frequently rest his head on Janus’s shoulder. But Janus had only ever seen Logan hug his boyfriends. And that one memorable time when Janus had nearly drowned and Logan had cuddled him to keep him warm, but he really prefered not to think about that.

“Will you be joining us for patrol?” Logan asked when he pulled away.

“No, not today.” Janus lifted his cane a bit to illustrate his point.

Logan nodded understandingly. “We’ll be happy to have you on comms for tonight.”

Janus made his way into the kitchen, where Patton was sliding something into the oven as Roman bothered him.

“You can’t bake something at 1800 degrees, Roman, that’s not how baking works.” Patton sighed. He noticed Janus entering the kitchen and beamed at him.

“Dee!” Patton smiled at him. “I’m so happy you’re here. Food’s nearly ready. ”

“Why not? 10 minutes at 180 degrees equals 1 minute at 1800 degrees. That’s how math works.” Roman interjected.

“Well, it’s not how ovens work,” Virgil groaned, from where he was bent over the frying pan, a little closer to the hot oil than was probably safe.

“If you guys would just listen to me, food would be ready in a minute,” Roman sighed.

“Virgil’s right, sweetie, that’s not how ovens work,” Patton said.

Virgil stuck his tongue out.

“Very mature,” Janus laughed.

Eventually, when all the food had been baked at an acceptable temperature, they gathered around the table.

“So, does anyone have any new year’s resolutions?” Patton asked them.

“New year’s resolutions are just a festive way of lying to yourself. Nobody actually keeps them,” Janus said.

“See! He gets it,” Virgil said triumphantly.

“Come on,” Patton pleaded, “humour me.” 

Virgil sighed and rolled his eyes, but Janus could see the fondness in them.

“Well, my new year’s resolution is to take more time to read books I’ve been meaning to read. I have a whole pile of interesting paperbacks,” Logan went first.

“Of course you would choose something so nerdy,” Roman teased, “My resolution is to spend as much time as possible with you, my loves,” He swept a grand gesture over the room and Janus tried not to think about how he was somehow included in that, “and I vow to give you all the kisses and hugs you deserve.”

“Well, next year I resolve to make better bad decisions and to remember to write 2021 instead of 2020,” Patton chimed in with a bright smile, “but in all seriousness, I hope to spend more time writing next year and maybe sign up for some art classes.”

“That’s a great idea, Pat, I might join you for those,” Virgil said.

“See, now you have some new year’s resolutions too.”

“What about you, Janus?” Logan questioned.

“Well, I guess if I have to, I resolve not to kill as many people this year,” He answered sarcastically.

Patton shot him a look. “Try again.”

“Fine,” Janus sighed, “I resolve to read more books, I guess.”

“Splendid resolutions, my dear lord of the lies,” Roman praised.

“Are we going to eat now? We have to patrol in a few hours,” Virgil complained.

“As always, you really have your priorities sorted, Virgil,” Logan said teasingly.

Logan shrugged himself into his costume with precise movements and fastened the cloak at his neck.

“You know, I really don’t get the cloak. Isn’t it awfully impractical?” Janus asked him from where he was draped against the door frame.

“Maybe, but I distinctly remember it coming in handy when you nearly died of hypothermia. How would people say it? It saved you ass?” Logan answered smugly.

“That was one time, you can’t tell me you wear a ridiculous cape,”

“Cloak.”

“Whatever, because someone might fall into the harbour. How often does that even happen?”

“More than you’d think. Also, Batman wears a cloak.”

“Batman is designed by nerds who don’t even know how to throw a punch, it’s a wonder you haven’t tripped over it yet when vaulting over rooftops.”

“Unlike some people who don’t need a cloak to trip when vaulting over rooftops?” Logan asked, voice full of faux innocence.

Janus growled exasperatedly and punched his arm, in the friendly way.

“As much as I love hearing you two bicker, we do need to start patrol,” Roman interrupted.

“Bye, Dee!” Patton hugged him and gave him a quick kiss on the nose before bustling out the door. 

Roman and Logan followed in quick succession, pressing kisses to his cheek and forehead. They sauntered out of the room, leaving him reeling with the ease they had done that. 

Virgil smirked up at him from where he was sitting at the computer, looking over some police reports. 

“What?” Janus asked him.

“Nothing,” Virgil replied with a shit eating grin, “You just look awfully cute when you blush.” 

“I’m not cute,” Janus snarled.

“Whatever you say,” Virgil replied as he walked past him. He stopped for a moment, staring into Janus’s eyes. His look didn’t bode well for Janus. He placed a gentle hand on the back of Janus’s neck and then pulled him close. 

“Is this okay?” He asked, his eyes drifting to Janus’s lips.

“Very,” Janus managed, his voice a little rough.

Virgil leaned forward and pressed a soft but insistent kiss on his lips. Janus felt himself leaning into it, the sweet taste of honey and saffron overwhelming his senses.

After what felt like a mere fraction of a second, Virgil pulled away. Janus made a small noise of protest and Virgil chuckled.

“Later,” He promised, “I have to go patrol now.”

He walked out the room, leaving Janus feeling lightheaded and wondering if the others were as good at kissing as Virgil. He sincerely hoped so.

~

Patrol was surprisingly uneventful. Generally, the statistics indicated there was a rise in crime around the holiday period. New year itself was always quite a hazardous day, with the large crowd of people out at late hours and the fireworks masking any sounds that could give you away. 

Yet this year, Logan had found himself inexplicably looking out to the new year. Maybe it was the fact that a certain former villain had enthusiastically agreed to come over and celebrate.

Whatever the reason, the city had decided to grace them with a calm night and Logan sat on a rooftop ledge, watching Virgil teach Patton a back handspring on the adjoining rooftop.

“Can you do one of those?” Janus asked him over the comms as they watched Patton fall onto his back for the third time.

“They’re not too hard.”

“That doesn’t answer the question, nerd,” Roman chimed into the conversation from where he was checking out an alleyway somewhere.

“I’m sure I could manage it,” Logan sighed.

“Like Patton’s managing this one?” Virgil quipped as Patton landed on the ground once more. Logan was incredibly grateful for the shock absorbent breastplate he wore.

“I nearly got that one!” 

“Sure, pat.”

“Shit,” He heard Roman hiss through the comms.

“What?” Janus’s voice was immediately on edge and Logan heard the familiar clicking of keys, telling him Janus was probably pulling up the live feed from Roman’s mask.

“Oh,” He said.

“What’s going on?” Patton asked, righting himself from the wet rooftop.

“A kid,” Roman gasped.

Logan felt his heart clench. 

“Is he hurt?” Virgil asked.

“No, not as far as we can see, but he does look malnourished,” Janus explained.

Logan got up and quickly swung down from the rooftop, the others right behind him.

They entered the alleyway, where Roman was crouched in the corner, whispering quietly.

He looked up and gestured for them to stay back. They obliged, Patton sitting down against a wall as Virgil walked a bit further back to make sure no one would enter the small street.

Logan leant against a dumpster bin, trying not to look too threatening.

“It’s alright, we won’t hurt you. Could you just tell me your name?” Roman asked gently.

“My mom told me never to give a stranger my name,” The kid deadpanned.

Logan smiled, if the kid was quipping back, he couldn’t be in too bad a shape.

“Touché” Roman chuckled, “you can call me prince.” 

“Like the singer?” The kid asked with an audible chuckle.

“No,” Roman sighed and Logan heard Patton giggle.

“Well, you probably should have chosen a better name then.”

“Probably,” Roman said, “At least give me something I can call you, if you’re not gonna tell me your name.”

The kid thought for a moment. “Fine,” he drawled, “You can call me J.”

“Ok, well J, that corner doesn’t look all that comfortable, if you would come with us, I’m sure we could find you more suitable lodgings.”

“No!” J snapped, fear colouring his voice.

“Why not?” Roman asked, clearly taken aback.

“You’ll just stick me in the system and... they don’t want me there.” J choked up a bit and Logan saw Patton’s eyes fill with sympathy.

“No, we won’t,” Roman promised.

“Oh yeah? What’re you gonna do with me then? Nobody wants some abandoned street rat.” J sighed bitterly. Logan ached at how he seemed to have given up any hope of someone caring for him. The poor kid had clearly been through too much in his life.

“Do you really have no one left?” Roman asked.

“Do you think I’d be sleeping on the streets if someone still cared about me?”

Roman looked back at them helplessly.

“Isn’t there anywhere he could stay on short notice?” Virgil asked.

“I have people,” Janus interjected quietly.

“Dee, no!” Patton exclaimed, “we’re not going to drop some kid off with those thugs you work with.”

“Not like that,” Janus sighed and Logan could almost  _ see _ him pinching the bridge of his nose, “I know someone who works for me who’s really good with kids. He and his partner have fostered kids before. I think they could help him.”

“Really? You think he’d just be okay with it if we rolled up with a kid?”

“I’d have to discuss it with him first, but I’m certain we can find a home for J, if not with this guy, we’ll definitely find someone else.”

“I could ask my moms,” Patton conceded,” I don’t think they’re up for another kid, but they might know someone who wants to take care of him.”

“And what for tonight? We can’t really show up at someone’s house and just drop him off.” Virgil said.

“Take him to our home,” Logan suggested.

“Are you crazy? That’s a huge security risk,” Virgil burst out.

“We can’t just leave him in the cold to freeze,” Patton protested.

“I have a safe house near where you are, just take him there,” Janus interjected.

“Is that settled then?” Roman asked them from where he was still crouched in the corner, the annoyance clear in his voice.

“Yeah, I think so,” Patton replied.

“Okay kid, let's get moving. We’re taking you to a safehouse near here,” Roman told him.

“Did you explain everything to him?” Logan asked, he really hadn’t heard Roman say anything.

“Of course, you guys were too busy bickering to notice.”

J still regarded them warily and Logan was vaguely worried he was going to bolt the moment they got out of the alleyway.

“Hey,” Logan said, trying not to sound too awkward, “we’re not just going to abandon you to the system. We're heroes and that means we’ll find a way to help anyone.”

J just looked up at him with an unimpressed expression. “Right.” He shouldered past Logan, heading to where Virgil was waiting.

Patton quickly caught up to them, probably because Virgil was looking at the kid like he wanted to flee to the nearest rooftop.

“So you’re really not gonna tell us your name?”

“No.”

“You guys want me to head to the safe house too?” Janus asked, ignoring their chatter.

“We’d love that,” Roman beamed, “We might even be just in time for the new year.”

They got J settled on the ratty couch in the squalid safe house. It wasn’t a terrible safe house, it was actually quite clean. It just clearly wasn’t used for much except the occasional emergency.

Janus arrived quickly, dropping a bag filled with what Logan presumed was food.

J froze when he saw Janus. “Deceit?” He asked and Logan felt his stomach plummet. Of course the kid would be afraid, they had trapped him in a small space together with the city’s most notorious crime lord. It didn’t matter that Janus had never and would never harm a child, his reputation was terrifying enough.

But inexplicably, the kid’s shoulders relaxed and he seemed moderately more at ease.

“You know, most people don’t look so at ease in my presence,” Janus said, clearly also puzzled by the reaction.

J shrugged. “You’re not that bad, you’ve helped a lot of my friends, gave them jobs and places to stay. You do more for the street kids of this city than these heroes.”

Roman gasped in mock offence. Logan shrugged. It made sense, they didn’t have the resources or connections to help kids like J, but Janus had been putting an effort into helping the worst off in their city for years. It seemed his efforts hadn’t gone as unnoticed as they had previously assumed.

Janus grinned at them, his expression smug and then grabbed something from the bag. 

“Here,” He held out a soft sweater, “this is for you, it would be a shame if we went through all the trouble of getting you here and then you died from hypothermia.”

“You could just invest in a space heater for this place,” Virgil complained.

“Sure, because this space is used  _ so _ often. It definitely isn’t a waste of money to purchase heaters for all those safe houses I barely use,” Janus snarked.

J ignored their bickering and sauntered over to the window, pulling the sweater over his head.

“Hey, guys,” Patton interrupted, “I think it’s time.”

Logan looked at the time on the corner of his display. He was right, the clock told him there was only one minute left of this year.

They all gathered round the window, looking out over the city.

“To new beginnings,” Patton announced.

“To new beginnings,” They all replied. J just rolled his eyes.

Logan felt Patton clutch his arm and Janus loop an arm around his waist as bright fireworks exploded over the city skyline. He looked over at his friends, how they stood gathered together, their faces awash with the colours of the fireworks. 

And he looked at J, the young kid who was staring at the fireworks as if they were something magical, his hands tangled in the sleeves of his sweater. 

Logan promised himself he would do everything to get him a good home, he deserved so much more than the world had given him.

_ New beginnings,  _ it was a fitting sentiment. 

* * *

Janus woke up with that familiar hurt curled around his bones. He sighed wearily as he looked out the large stained glass windows. Rain was beating against the panes with a violent intensity. 

Some days he wondered why he stayed here, wouldn’t it be better to just move to a nice sunny country where the sky didn’t seem to want to drown them? Who was he kidding, this city would never let him go, rain and his aching bones be damned.

He rolled over in bed a few times, hoping stubbornly the pain would allow him to sleep a little longer. It was way too early to even think about getting up, in his opinion. After a few more minutes of his body complaining and aching, he wearily dragged himself out of bed. 

He fumbled around for his cane and slowly made his way to the kitchen. He popped a heat pad into the microwave and switched on the kettle. Fortunately, it was still filled with water, meaning he didn’t have to struggle with taps right now. Picking up the heating pad had been hard enough with his hands feeling like they had been run over by a steamroller.

Why did it have to be today of all days? It wasn’t like he’d had that many plans but he had been meaning to at least get some work done. 

There was no way he’d be able to do much of anything today, merely the thought of typing made him cringe, let alone the thought of actually going outside. 

When his heat pad was warm, he curled up on the couch in the most comfortable position he could find and resigned himself to a day spent watching mindless television.

Somewhere around ten, a call came in and Janus fumbled to answer it with his stiff and aching fingers. 

“Damore,” He introduced curtly. If it was another bullshit telemarketer he was going to strangle someone. Once his body was halfway functioning again, of course.

“Hello Janus,” Logan’s voice filtered through the phone speakers, in the background he heard Roman yell something. “Yes, I’ll ask, now could you please be quiet,” Logan said, presumably to Roman.

Janus felt his lips quirk up into a smile despite himself.

“We were wondering if you would like to accompany us to Carntos forest, we were planning a hike.” The smile slipped off Janus's face. Of all days to have a flare up.

“As much as I would love to, I’m afraid I can’t come. Maybe some other day.” He tried not to sound too bitter. 

“Oh,” Logan sounded disappointed “why not?”

Janus hesitated. Usually, he would just grasp at the nearest convenient lie, he could easily tell them he was busy with work. But, he’d been learning not to do that, to let them in, not to bury himself in lies and mystery. 

“I’m not feeling too well today,” He eventually said, he didn’t feel like explaining his condition right now. His mother’s words still echoed in his head.

They wouldn’t think him weak, would they? They were good people. But after a lifetime of being told that he was faking it and to suck it up, he wasn’t exactly keen to share it with other people. He was supposed to be strong, a terrifying villain, not someone who could barely get out of bed some days.

He was shook out of his self deprecating thoughts by Logan. “Are you alright? Do we need to come over?” He asked, his voice filled with concern.

Janus felt emotion well up in his throat, not a lot of people held so much concern for him. He shook his head. Really? He was getting all teary eyed over some polite sympathy?

“No, I’m fine. I hope you enjoy your hike.” He pressed the end call button before Logan could say something else that would make him bawl like a baby.

He was just dozing off uncomfortably, when a knock on his door startled him. 

Who was even…?

He got up painfully and limped to the door, leaning heavily on his cane. He grabbed the gun from its hiding place before opening the door. It never hurt to be cautious. When he opened it, he was greeted by four smiling faces.

“Hi,” Patton greeted cheerfully, “We brought soup.” He held up a large container. 

In that eloquent way of his, Janus just stuttered out “What?”

Roman gently grabbed his shoulders and steered him back inside, putting the gun down on the table. The others followed, Virgil laden with a variety of food and Logan carrying some dvd’s. Patton made his way into the kitchen and started clattering around in the cabinets. 

“We’re here to take care of you,” Roman explained as he sat Janus down on the couch. Then he abruptly drew back “It’s not contagious is it?” 

“No, it’s not,” Janus said, distracted by Patton and Virgil doing god knows what in the kitchen and Logan heading towards his bedroom. They had all invaded his space with a swift efficiency.

“Great, so what’s wrong?” Roman asked, sitting down on the couch opposite him.

“It’s…” Janus’s mind was not cooperating right now. He tried to think of something.

“Dude, I’m literally a nurse, you can tell me.”

“I’d rather not.” Janus said, sounding a lot more defensive than he had meant. He was just slightly stressed out by these people barging into his house and Roman pestering him. He really wanted a nap and for today to be over.

Roman looked him over critically. “Fine, you don’t have to tell me, but we’re not leaving till you feel better.”

“Prepare to stay a while then,” Janus couldn’t help himself from laughing bitterly.

Roman’s eyebrows scrunched up adorably and then he smiled. “Well, that’s good, ‘cause Patton brought lots of food, so we can hang around for as long as needed.”

Janus curled his shoulders protectively. “You don’t have to.”

“But we want to.” Logan had appeared from the bedroom with an armful of blankets and was looking at Janus with such gentle and loving eyes and Janus had absolutely no idea how to deal with any of this. Why were they here? Why would they ditch their plans just to take care of him? Why did they even care?

Virgil and Patton came in too, carrying a tray laden with fresh buns, fruit, a bowl of soup and some tea. Janus’s stomach grumbled noisily. He’d only really eaten some crackers, as he didn’t have the energy to prepare anything more fancy than that.

“I don't know what you want to eat right now, so I’d thought I’d go with the classics for someone who’s sick but I have other stuff too, if you want.” Patton fretted.

“No, this is fine.” Janus replied. 

He made to eat the soup then stopped abruptly. There was no way he could manage that, his hands were aching all the way from the tips of his fingers to his elbows and they were so stiff he could barely curl them around the spoon, let alone coordinate them enough to eat.

He suddenly felt very vulnerable, with all of them staring at him. He cleared his throat. 

“I’m actually not really in the mood for soup.” He apologized and reached for the bread. That, at least he could eat without too much trouble.

“That’s fine, we just need to make sure you eat something. You’ll never get better if you starve yourself,” Patton replied cheerfully.

Janus cringed internally. They didn’t know, he couldn’t blame them for it, but god, did those words hurt. Always that same question: are you better yet?

“So, which movie do you want to watch?” Roman burst out, eager to get started on that.

“Maybe you should first ask him if he even wants to watch a movie, you idiot.” Virgil hissed.

“All right, no need to rain on the black parade, sunshine,” Roman defended.

Logan rolled his eyes.

“I’d love to watch a movie,” Janus said before the two could start a full blown argument.

The others settled into the couch and Janus barely suppressed a whimper when Logan jostled his legs.  _ Wow,  _ he was really pathetic today.

Despite his best efforts, Logan noticed his discomfort and looked at him, his eyebrows knitted in concern. 

“Did I hurt you?”

“No,” Janus immediately deflected, then when Logan’s eyebrows did not change their stance “It’s just… my knees hurt, so please be careful.”

“Oh, did you hurt them during patrol?” Patton asked. 

“Patrol?” 

“You fell off a roof?”

Oh, yeah, that had happened. His cheeks heated up in shame as Virgil tried to stifle a laugh. Jumping over rooftops was not his forte. The fall itself had probably looked a lot worse than it actually was, he had only vaguely scraped his elbows.

“Yeah, I remember. No it’s not that.”

“Really? It looked like a pretty bad fall, it would make sense that your knees hurt after something like that.”

Patton didn’t seem like he would let it go anytime soon. He was clearly worried about Janus. He sighed, it was going to come to light some day, better to bite the bullet now than to wait for when he would be forced to reveal it. He took a deep breath, oddly nervous. He shouldn’t be this worried, they cared for him, they were his friends, they had come all the way here to take care of him.

“I’m actually just having a bad flare up today.” 

A beat of silence followed his statement and Janus tried not to panic. But Roman just nodded understandingly.

“You mind if I ask what…?”

“Rheumatoid arthritis, symptoms started when I was about seventeen.”

“You could have just told us, honey,” Patton exclaimed.

“I don’t always feel comfortable sharing it”

“Well, I’m happy you felt comfortable sharing it with us,” Virgil said.

“Yes, I’m happy you trust us with this knowledge, Janus.” 

What was this annoying fuzzy feeling in his stomach? It was probably the tea, or maybe the buns, who knew what Patton put in those.

“Do you need anything?” Roman asked.

“Well, some more heat pads would be nice.”

“I'll get it.” Virgil got up.

“Does it jostle you too much when we sit on the couch?” Logan asked.

Janus hesitated, he was already bothering them so much, it really wasn’t polite to kick them off the couch too.

“Jan, sweety, please be honest with us, we don’t want to hurt you,” Patton pleaded.

“Yeah, it does.”

All of them happily moved to the floor, laying down some pillows and blankets so it was still comfortable. Virgil returned and passed him the heat pads.

“So, how long do these flare ups usually last?” Roman asked.

“Usually most of the day, sometimes longer.” 

“Well, as Roman promised, we’re staying here as long as it lasts.”

“Yay! Slumber party,” Patton exclaimed.

“As long as you don’t throw any pillows at me,” Logan sighed, before promptly getting hit in the face by a pillow from Virgil. He looked at him with a look of utter betrayal.

Eventually, everyone got settled and they turned the movie back on. Janus tried his best to focus on the plot but soon found himself drifting off. 

* * *

Virgil sank down onto the rooftop without much grace. He looked over to where Roman had done the same, his mask discarded so he could breathe in the cool night air. 

Virgil fumbled with the clasp for his mask and then breathed deep gasping breaths when it finally came off. The cold air chilled his flushed face.

“Fuck.” He breathed, not knowing how else to express everything that was roiling through him right now.

“Fuck.” Roman echoed and then he chuckled. A deep, full bellied noise that bordered on unhinged.

He then groaned and reached towards his ribs. Virgil winced as he remembered the kick Roman had been dealt in that area.

“That’s what you get.” Virgil told him.

“Oh come on! A bit of sympathy would be nice.” Roman whined, rolling his head to face him. Virgil tried not to notice how close they were.

“It’s your own fault.”

“You came up with the plan!”

“Doesn’t mean you had to agree.”

“Well excuse me, mister ex-assassin, for assuming you knew what to do. It’s not like you act like you’re the expert on all things superhero all of the damn time!”

They stayed silent for a moment, while Roman looked at the stars and Virgil tried his best not to look like he was looking at Roman.

“I thought it was a stupid plan anyways.” Roman then said.

“Well, why didn’t you say so?” Virgil groaned.

Roman rolled onto his side and a strand of hair fell into his eyes. He huffed at it indignantly.

“Guess I just trust you too much.” He said and though his tone was light, Virgil felt something in his gut twist.

“That’s probably not a smart decision.” He said, looking away.

More silence and then, the sound of fabric dragging against concrete. Virgil looked over and  _ wow _ he was close.

He stared up at Roman’s eyes. So dark and deep and all consuming and he really had to stop thinking about Roman’s eyes  _ now. _

Roman ran his tongue along his lips nervously.

“V?” He asked gently.

Virgil nodded nervously, trying not to think of how Roman was basically on top of him and his face was so close to him and  _ what the hell did this mean? _

“I live to make bad decisions.” Roman whispered. He reached out a hand and gently, ever so gently, ran his thumb along Virgil’s cheek.

His eyes bored into his.

“Ro?” Virgil stuttered, his breathing coming in shallow gasps.

“Is this alright?” Roman asked him, sounding unsure.

Virgil nodded dumbly.

Roman leant forward, slotting his lips against Virgil’s. 

Virgil had seen people do it so many times, had read it described in books before. They talked of fireworks exploding behind their eyes, of fires burning and passion igniting and a thousand feelings all a once.

Virgil felt none of that. It felt so soft. It felt like the gentlest nights back home, when the cherry blossoms bloomed and the fruit was ripe of the tree. 

It felt safe, like the comforting nights spent with Patton on the couch. Binge watching avatar and eating homemade cookies.

When Roman pulled away, Virgil felt like all the warmth was suddenly stolen from his body. He opened his eyes and was greeted with the most blinding, irresistible smile.

“What?” He muttered eloquently, scrambling upright.

“I like you, Gerard Gay.” Roman sighed, fond and exasperated all at once, a tone he used frequently with Virgil.

“That’s…a stupid decision really.”

Roman smiled that fond smile at him again.

“I really don’t think it is.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No, J totally isn't based on Jason Todd, I don't know what you're talking about.
> 
> Anyways, happy New Year everyone! Let's finally leave this hellish year behind us and hope 2021 brings better tidings.
> 
> I also want to let everyone know I probably won't be updating as frequently anymore as I want to focus on writing my other fic. By no means am I abandoning this one, I will definitely try to keep updating but probably not as frequently anymore. So thank you to everyone who left kudos and especially to all of those who left comments, you guys are the best <3

**Author's Note:**

> So like I said in the description, I might write more for this universe. It's not going to have a coherent plot though, it'll just be random one shots, probably superhero themed. The roles and relationships of the characters might change.  
> Feel free to leave prompts in the comments if you have any ideas or send them to me on tumblr @aster-aspera
> 
> I hope you enjoyed <3
> 
> (Also, quick side note, Janus is roughly the same age as the others. He just acts like he's older.)


End file.
